The Timeline

It's 11:56 PM, and I am sitting here with my husband watching The Twilight Saga. And the fact that this love was so intense it makes me wonder, how soon is too soon? For anything? Let's break this down in sections. So let's say you've been dating someone for about 3 months. Things seem to be going great. You're in the blissful, new relationship stage. You enjoy spending time with this person and the kisses are GREAT! You're feeling him, he's feeling you, the chemistry is crazy. Is 3 months too soon to have sex? Now granted some people don't wait 3 months. I say 3 months for 2 reasons. One because my husband and I waited 3 months. It gave us time to get to know each other without the emotional pull of sex. Plus it gave us time to really...crave each other to that point. I also say 3 months because my girl Joan Clayton from Girlfriends had her 3 month rule. lol. So is 3 months too soon? Or is it too long to wait? I think 3 months is a good time period myself. You can date, hang out and just enjoy each other's time without the pressures of sex. But that has to be established in the beginning. Ladies and gents, you can't keep things going and then when he ready to hit the guts, you like "No, you gotta wait". Let it be an open discussion, one that makes the expectations clear. If he is REALLY into you, then he will wait. And he will not pressure you. So things are moving on, the sex is great. If it wasn't then you probably wouldn't be moving forward. You're dating more. Maybe even spending the nights once every blue moon. You're at the 6 month mark. You're feeling these feelings (not just when he's inside you) and he makes you happy. The feelings is so overwhelming, it's only one thing you can say... Is 6 months too soon to say "I love you". Now do you really know someone enough for 6 months to be able to say, you love them? Don't get me wrong, every relationship is different. Some people wait longer than that, some a lot sooner than that. Some people just know. It was something about my husband's spirit, I knew God brought him to me. I could see our future in his eyes. You had me at hello. Now we're moving right along and he has said it back. Now it's I love you bae this and love you bae that. Everything is still going good. You realize this is someone you can really build a future with. You've had arguments, but you're still hanging in there. Still happy and in love. You wanna take things to the next step. I mean when you think about it, you're practically over at his house all the time anyway or he's always at yours. You're celebrating that year mark. Maybe we should talk about moving in together. Now for some, a year long relationship isn't enough time to move in with someone. But there are some that do it before a year. Is it too soon? I mean you have to think about this. Yeah you've been getting along. Yeah, you know his favorite food. But when you co-habitat with someone, hunny you see ALL KINDS OF SHIT. You get the real deal. You learn more about him/her, AND yourself. This is when you learn, one of you is a neat freak and one definitely is not. When of you likes the toilet paper one way and the other the opposite. One of you puts the cap back on the toothpaste, and the other does not. And ladies for the life of you, you can't understand why he can't put the damn seat down! It's an important step in any relationship. Please don't take it lightly. There WILL be issues! Trust me, I know! My suggestion is talk about things up front. Put everything on the table, so there is no surprises. Talk about who will pay what, if someone looses their job what is expected, who's good at what around the house, etc. When you set expectations for things, it helps the transition smooth over. If you require "Me" time, then say so. When you live in a space with someone you have to consider them in how you live. Because it is their space too. So over the next 12 months, cohabitation has been a blessing AND a curse. You've thought about having your own space, needing "ME" time, just blending lives. Probably have had some money issues, maybe even some trust issues here and there. You've talked about your futures and you both seem to want the same things; marriage, kids, house, careers, etc. Now you're celebrating your 2 year anniversary. What started out as a simple date, has turned into a deep committed relationship that you have come to depend on. You are so in love, you can't imagine your life without this person. So he arranges something special and you're like, ok I know where we're headed. So you get in your mind how and where the night will end. So you dress to the 9s, and he takes you out to the Cheesecake Factory. The night is already starting off right, this is your FAVORITE restaurant! You're not surprised he remembers because he talk about it all the time and he never wants to go. You sit down and place your order. He pulls out a cute black box. Your heart drops...He tells you how much he loves you and you're so incredible. You open the box, expecting to see a diamond, instead you see 2! 2 Princess Cut, diamond earrings. You smile because you're appreciative but disappointed that it wasn't the ring. The rest of the night goes smoothly, as you try to hide your disappointment. When can anyone know when they are ready to get married. Is 2 years too soon to marry someone? Some get married WAY quicker and WAY longer. We waited 6 years to get married. (Partly because of the whole same-sex marriage thing) I know couple who have waited 10 years. We enter into relationship hoping that marriage is where you'll end up. You love him, you've been through some rough shit, your relationship could be a testimony to your single friends, but what is he waiting for? You've been together for 2 years, or how many other years it may be. You know you're ready. Is he not ready? Don't tell me, after all this, he has commitment issues!?!? I feel that no matter how many years it is, you can be ready for marriage when you both are on the same page about goals and dreams. When you both inspire and lift each other up. Not you do your thing and then me. Or vice versa. Let's do this shit together! You go after your shit, and I will do the same and let's bring in these RACKS! Marriage is more than flowers, officiant and cake. It's becoming one with this person. Committing to go through the trenches with him, to hell and back. It is love and war, but always putting them first. It's not just about living life on a sunny day, but riding the storm through the rough ones as well...So the anniversary flies by. And it's a few months later. The topic of marriage never comes up again. And you're starting to wonder if ya'll will need to have "the talk". It's on your mind so much he can tell something is wrong. But like always, you say nothing, I'm fine. One day you think about talking to him about it but before you do, you finish getting dressed because you're going out to a concert tonight. Your favorite singer is in town and he surprised you with tickets. You're probably thinking, damn he can do that, but you can't buy a bitch a ring. Damn didn't Beyoncé say put a ring on it!?!? Damn, where my ring at? You're at the concert, having a ball. That special song comes on. You know the one, the one that reminds you of him. You starting singing, and you cry a bit because your feelings are being sung to you. This song reminds you of why you fell in love in the first place. And you make a conscience decision to not rush the marriage issue for a bit. Next thing you know you get a glimpse of him, to see if he sees you crying like a baby. And he's down on one knee. The gesture catches you off guard, and now it's like no one else is in the room but you two. You kneel down to hear what he has to say. "I didn't want to do it on the anniversary, that is so cliché, what better way to ask you to be my wife/husband than to your favorite song being played live, I love you" And of course, you say yes. People think stories like that never happen but they do. There are good men out there in the world ladies and gents. It's just finding YOUR soulmate. Whatever your timeline is, will be your testimony. It's those moments you look back on when you're 6 years in and looking at him lying in the bed, waiting on you to watch a movie and you say to yourself. It was all worth it, damn I'm the luckiest guy/girl in the world. Don't let the world pressure your relationship. Don't feel like you have to follow any guidelines or timelines. Make your own and cherish each moment, so 10 years down the line, you can tell it to your kids and that's keeping it 100!!

STRAIGHT/GAY/CONFUSED

It is 4:42AM, I'm tired but I'm wired. It is a restless night here in the Clark household. So with my unfortunate case of insomnia, I decided to give you something to read. It is crazy how people have expectations that if you're gay, you know when someone else is gay. I hate to break it to you ladies, but that is a MYTH! Sorry my fellow gay ladies and gents, I have to keep it real. The "gaydar" is a myth. It is simply used for mere entertainment. And I will explain why. Every gay person, has been attracted to a straight person. Don't lie and say you haven't. Then there is the ever unfortunate falling for the straight guy. Now this is where disaster strikes. Check this out, because I've been here myself. Sometimes a gay guy or girl, meets someone of the same sex. Work, school, where ever. They click with this person, this person is nice to them and it makes us wonder....could he/she be into me? This was a nightmare for me at one time. Shortly after my breakup with the Confused Cheater, I met a guy. I thought he was SO fine. Tall, brown skin, nice personality. Truth be told, my crush on him made me forget about my broken heart. Well, we became friends and I just knew he was going to be my man. If I tried hard enough and showed him enough that I cared, he would be mine. I was young dumb and batting zero. No matter how many gifts I gave, nice and encouraging words I gave, hanging out I did, he was still straight. Unfortunately, when I realized how good of a friend I had, I lost my friend because of my not so subtle pursuing. He never made me feel any kind of way about being gay, he was just my friend. It's very unfortunate. So no, my gaydar wasn't BROKEN, that shit never worked. Had it worked, I would still have my friend right now. Gay men go after straight men all the time, hoping if I could just turn him gay, life would be perfect. And then you have those gay men that just believe they can turn any man out, but that's a different conversation. Although you can't help who you're attracted to, you can help how you choose to act on those feelings. Confusion is a word thrown around a lot in this lifestyle. I'm a slice this thing up 3 ways for you. First there is the straight man who says he's not gay. Yes, yes, I'm referring to the DL man. Men on the down low have women at home by day, and fuck men at night, or vice versa, depending on his wife/girlfriend's schedule. Now if you ask him, yes he's cheating, but he's not gay. Because he's having sex with a woman, or a tranny. But because transgender identifies as a woman, what can you say. You can't do anything but let them have that. Gay cheater or plain cheater, he's still a damn cheater! BUT, there are those who get head from men, or just a quick fuck. And no they're not gay because they're not attracted to men. I'm sorry hunny, you're confused, you say you're straight but you like to have sex with men???? We call them trade. You got a girl, but you want me to do what??? Yeah ok, an old tired piece of trade, at that!  Then there's the flip-flopper. This guy is gay or I guess Bi. One week he's straight, then the girl he's dating pisses him off, he dumps her, says he's through with woman and he's completely gay now. Then guy pisses him off, and same cycle. If you don't make up your damn mind!!! The Bi thing ain't working, PICK ONE! I used to think Bi-Sexuality was selfish. But no,there is nothing wrong with being Bi-Sexual, you like what you like. The problem is the flip-floppers! You're gay, then you're straight, gay, straight, gay, straight, shit you don't confuse your damn self!?!? Finally there is the marry-go-round man. These men are straight but like to test to see how far they will let themselves go with a guy. I had a friend that was straight, he would flirt with me, tell me I'm beautiful, he always wanted me to rub his 6-pack, always grabbing my booty. Get mad when the confused cheater and I were on good terms, and tell me he's a better man. But then when things went wrong, he's straight. Tell me he wouldn't mind dating me, but he's straight. Want to have sex but he's straight. I'm so dizzy from this damn ride, I'm ready to get the fuck off!! BOY BYE! Confusion is a bitch, I say, take your confused ass on and do some soul searching. Find out what you really want before bringing somebody into your drama. When it comes to straight men, the only "gaydar" I think applies is when they give themselves away. They saying goes, if a man protests loudly and is just doing the most about defending his sexuality, he's either, gay or thought about it. I actually believe this to be true. Because most straight guys are comfortable enough with their sexuality, they don't feel the need to explain themselves. They don't act all weird and extra macho around gay men, unless they're doing crazy queen stuff. Now, here's the question of the hour. Can a straight man, be straight if he likes to get his ass ate or played with? I know what ya'll are thinking, but my answer is YES! A man's sexual desires with a WOMAN, no matter what they are, don't make him gay. Some men are just freaky like that. Just because you fuck her in the butt, you're not gay. Just because she eats that ass, you're not gay. Just because she slips a finger in that ass, you're not gay. And hell my husband may suck on these titties but that don't make him straight or want women!!! Its just what some men like sexually. Ladies don't make him feel less of a man because he wants to expand in the bedroom. And guys don't feel embarrassed because you do want to expand, or she does. Life is too short to not try new things. If you're with your mate, sometimes you gotta switch it up. No matter what your sexual preference. Tops, let these bottoms trade places, see how it feels when you come knocking walls down. Ladies let these men be sexually free with you. Why not? Bottom line is, do you, experience stuff and be safe while doing it. Be consistent, be you, be free of judgement, be freaky, stop the denial, choose your happiness, because you're worth it. There is nothing worse than wanting something but being to afraid to ask for it and being secretly miserable. That's not what's up and that is not a life worth living, and that's keeping it 100!

Labels And Stereotypes

It's 2:22 AM, I'm pretty tired from a long day but this Blog can't wait. My loving husband is exhausted and sleeping peacefully while I'm here in the dark, with a bud light Lime and my thoughts. I'm thinking about some of the labels that are put on us and how we let those labels turn us into stereotypes. This goes for men and women. One label you don't want is this sideline piece. Or as Monica says...Sideline Ho. lol. But there is a difference. In my opinion, a side piece is someone who did not know there was a "main piece".  When it comes to being a "side piece" I unfortunately have dealt with this. I was casually dating a guy, nothing serious no strings. And I didn't know it, but he had a boyfriend. I had no idea because he was always available to me. I didn't find out until he was unattached. If you're  a side  piece you can't be faulted. Don't sit here trying to argue and fight some dude/chick over their man. Step away REAL quick! Be mad at him not the other person. BUT if you knew, then yes you're a sideline ho. These are the ones believing him when he says he's gonna leave his girlfriend/boyfriend/baby mama/wife/husband, etc. But everyone knows damn well he ain't going no where. He's selfish and wants you both. Don't be the trifling one to come between a relationship, no matter how bad he makes it out to be. He's not leaving. Trust me. And if in that rare occasion he does leave...well let's just say there is also a difference between, "main piece" and "one and only". Like K. Michelle said, give it up, you'll never get a ring... The next one that trips me out is the baby mama/baby daddy drama. In my opinion I don't think it's a good look for ladies to be labeled baby mama. And some women are okay with that. But by you being okay with it, leaves you open to the typical stereotypes. Now this isn't for ALL women, just a certain few and I bet you know at least one. When you think of the typical baby mama, she always fighting with baby daddy 1, 2 or 3. Selling her food stamps knowing good and damn well them kids gotta eat, or better yet, spending it all up on a damn crab tray. There is nothing wrong with public assistance, but in my opinion (note, my OPINION) It should be temporary. These lazy women depending on the system to take care of their kids are sucking up all the resources, when their are women who work hard every day to make sure their kids have. The baby mama, stays in that mind frame and falls for these same dudes over and over and end up being nothing more than that....a baby mama. You can be a single mother, but be smart. If he is no good, PUT HIS ASS ON CHILD SUPPORT! If he wasn't there during your pregnancy, DO NOT GIVE YOUR BABY HIS LAST NAME AND ESPECIALLY NOT A JR! I used to know a girl who thought she fell in love 3 times, 3 different men, never married. And each played her the same way. And still just a baby mama. No ma'am ladies, ain't nothing secure until you've said I Do. The proposal ain't even secure, a ring is just that, A RING. Them papers is the real deal. When you say I do, THEN there is no need for child support, THEN it's okay to be knocked up whenever. It's time to be smarter ladies. There are MOTHERS out there everyday, grinding, going to school, making a good life for their kids, without help and some without support of fathers. Fantasia made "Baby Mama" sound good, it's not. Same for baby daddies, stop raw dogging these chicks! Knowing good and damn well you smashed but when she turns up pregnant you wanna act the fool! Be men. Take care of your responsibilities. You don't have to be with the girl to be a father but damn be a man bring SOMETHING to the table! The stereotypes of gay men I feel is an interesting topic. Gay men have so many labels, some funny, some disgusting, some that make you go 0_O. People look at gay men as colorful queens who twirl all day and who think they can turn any straight man gay. Now granted there are some out there that fall into that category but not all. Every gay man isn't loud. Every gay men isn't dramatic and diva. Every gay men doesn't take it up the ass. Every gay men doesn't know gay phrases and punchlines. I have a friend who talks to me about everything gay and is amazed when I'm like...um...what???? Gay is a label, we are men. We live our lives every day with our own set of struggles. We pay rent every month, have relationship problems, want families, like anyone else. Not every gay man puts on a dress or a wig, not every gay men desires to sleep with every man. Straight men (some, not all) think these things. They think we sit around all day thinking about dick and how loud and outlandish we can be. There are men at my job who act funny towards me because either they think I want them or they think I'm about to prance around the building. First off, I'm married, I have no desire to sleep with you, my husband is all the man I need and second, despite what you think, I can separate professional and personal behaviors. Some people think all gay men have HIV or Aids. No, that's just fucking ignorant. We can protect ourselves as well. Some people think just because I'm married to a man it shouldn't be respected like any other union, no sir buddy! It is a marriage like any other. I respect your union, respect mine. The list could go on and on, but I think I'll save that for another post ;). Then there is the person who judges all these labels and stereotypes and in a way they are enforcing them. I knew someone who looked down on "side pieces/hoes", tisk tisk my dear, don't forget your past. Just because you're no longer in that situation don't judge. Being condescending gets you no where. You are no better than anyone. The one thing I am not doing is judging. I respect every one's decision to do what ever they want for their life. I simply want to encourage people that if you're tired of being labeled as something, change it. Only you can. If you don't want to be some body's "baby mama", then don't. If you don't wanna be some body's sideline hoe, then stop! It all comes back to loving yourself and knowing your worth. People try to label me: gay, black, fat, ugly, bitch, Boigie, stuck up, nerd, teacher's pet, etc. But these people don't know my story or where I come from or what I've been through. I am not those things, I am Chris. That's it. I have titles. I am a husband, a brother, a son, a uncle, a friend and soon to be college graduate and one day father. That's what I answer to, don't answer to your label, answer to you. When you know yourself, who you are and what you are, all the labels fall to the waste side, and that's keeping it 100!

Dare To Be You!

It is 4:02Pm and I am sitting alone in the dark with my thoughts. I had every intention to write about bullying, but my thoughts took a turn. It’s a damn shame that in the year 2015 some people still can’t be themselves. Or better yet they’re too worried about the next bitch too much to be themselves. In an age where some many odd/weird things are accepted, or at least somewhat respected, why do people still care what others think? My story began when I was in middle school. EVERY DAY, I would have to walk around on egg shells because those bastard ass kids made me uncomfortable to be myself. It was as if they tried to make me hate myself. I was the short gay kid that wore dragon shirts, and Jnco jeans. I listened to Spice Girls and boy band pop. They tried to take every piece of those things and they tormented me. So because I didn’t want to be teased, I put pressure on my parents to buy the Nikes, Jordans and the expensive ass name brand clothes. I lied to them and myself about who I was and what I stood for. I wasn’t even sure about my own sexuality yet but that didn’t stop them from shouting out how gay I was and a bunch of other inappropriate things. I found comfort in my music, but even that was ridiculed. All because I am black, and I was listening to “white” music. All those things made it uneasy to go through life. Over the next several years, I was often self-conscience about my weight, the way I walked, what I wore, etc. I forced myself into R&B and Rap music as to not have a repeat cycle going into high school. During high school I had my first boyfriend…the confused cheater…he was so scared people would find out he was gay, that he made me scared. Even after him, I would walk through the stores and the malls, hearing laughter and I just knew they were laughing at me. When I started to embrace the gay lifestyle, the men would spare no feelings in saying that I was ugly, fat and dark. If I wasn’t skinny and light, no one would give me the time of day. Well I have to give the Old Playa is props, he took notice to my un-comfort one day and asked me about it. I gave him the run down, and he said, you know, those people may be snickering and laughing, because they are not brave enough to be themselves. They either want to be you, do you, or thought about it. Don’t be uncomfortable in your own skin. Love yourself. It took some time but since then, I stand tall as me. Christopher Gordon Clark. Yes I am dark, but my skin is beautiful, and smooth, no blemishes and chocolate is way more desired than carmel ;) Ugly??? Mutherfucker, do you see this face?!?! These sexy ass lips, these cute eyes, and don’t get me started on my hair. And fat...baby this bubble butt ain’t never had any complaints. I say all that to say, be you. Ladies, if you wanna be a tom boy, then you rock your jeans! If you wanna be a girly girl, twirl in your dress! If you don’t like your hair, change it! If you wanna be a boss, then girl be a BOSS! Same thing with my gays, if you wanna do drag, then damned get snatched and do drag. If you wanna wear heels, then bitch get you some heels! Some of my family members looked crazy at me when I walked in with my Michael Kors bag, YES! I rock a damn bag, and I look damn fabulous too! Did you not believe me when I said, I’m a diva! I don’t give a fuck what any of them have to say. I put on eyeliner, I rock bags and hell maybe even one day I’ll come stomping out in some heels. My husband wants to try different things, do it baby! Don’t be afraid of what these insecure miserable mutherfuckers think or have to say! You want some hair, get your Margeux. He wanted to try make up once, so we went to the mall with a couple of his friends and he had Bobby Brown put some on him, his friend laughed and made jokes. Even when I wear my bags he laughs. It doesn’t bother me, you’re just not comfortable in your own skin. You want so bad to embrace your inner queen, but you’re too scared. I guess some people have to laugh to keep from crying. But not me! I am almost 30 years old, I’ll be damned if I’m going to be anyone else but me. I’m multifaceted. So if I wanna be masculine, I will! If I wanna be feminine, I will! If I wanna sing Beyoncé all day, bitch I will! Some of his friends think I’m too into Beyoncé, some of them even teased about it, but bitches guess what? I’m Beyhive ALL DAY! Let me upgrade ya, so you can stop checkin for me, cus bitch I’m Flawless! And if I wanna bust out in the middle of the street in the Single Ladies routine, BITCH I will! Because I’m me, and I’m confident. I’m tired of people having something to say about what I do and what I like. If I want to go to every fucking concert there is, as long as my husband doesn’t mind, I work hard for it, so bitch I will! If I want to talk about dick, ass, and sex in my Blog, bitch I will! If I want to spell words MY WAY, in MY informal blog, YA’LL I will!  Stop worrying about my house and swipe at your own front doors, real talk! Today’s youth are scared to come out as gay. And some are just scared to be different. Of course it may not always be easy, but never hide who you are. It’s so bad, some kids are committing suicide because of the pressure they feel. I went through it too young boos, don’t let them steal your joy. Love yourself and give em a big fuck you, you’ll feel better in the long run. My niece is a tom boy, and she is so different I can hardly keep up. But guess what, I can’t be more proud, you do what makes you happy. When you do you and you’re happy with you, you don’t have time to worry about someone else. Life is too short to live your life based on what others think of you or what you’re doing. Because to be honest, if you’re twisting, twirling, stomping, be dramatic, being over the top, giving face, snap snap YASSSSS and a bitch snickers or have something to say. You read that bitch DOWN! You turn and say, don’t be mad at me because you’re too scared to be you, cus BITCH I’M ME! And that’s keeping it 100! Dare to be different!

Girl Talk: Red Light or Black Light Special?

It's 4:22 AM and I'm in the mood for a little girl talk! But before we begin our chat, if you're one of those people who can't handle sex talk or get "offended" by it, this post ain't for you...As adults we have all had our experiences with sex, good and bad. But what constitutes bad sex? Or good sex for that matter. I like to define my bad sexual experiences as a Black Light Special. Meaning, it was a dark period in my life and I want to forget it and leave that shit in the dark! But that good lovin, I'm talking that good GOOD, temperature rising HOT GOOD GOOD, I classify under the Red Light Special! And if you don't know what the red light special is, hunny you're about to find out! Anyone who knows me, and I mean TRULY knows me, knows I have...a wild side so to speak, now a days there is only one man that can attest to that.... But I'll share a bit of my hoe-ism, but is it hoe-ism if you're doing it with your man? I don't think so, but here we go. We've all been there, let's say you've been dating a guy for X amount of months. Dates have been going well, there's chemistry there, things are following in the right direction. Like, this man actually seems like someone you could be with for a while. It's time to put the Mack down. So you're all hot and ready, kissing and rubbing. Ya'll stripping down, the package looks right. You're excited now. 5 minutes later it's done. So now you're laying there with the what-the-fuck face. Quick ain't the word for this man, this shit went by so damn quick, you don't even remember it! He didn't take his time, he came so damn quick you didn't even realized ya'll had sex! I bet that will make you re-think your future as a couple lol Sometimes sex doesn't have to be quick to be bad. There are levels to the shit. There was a guy I was messing with once, we talked on the phone for about a week or two. When we talked sex, I mean he talked a mean ass game. He talked that shit up so good, he made my ass REAL excited. Decided to let him put the Mack down...nice package....15 minutes later...HE'S STILL GOING!!! And not a good "going", this fool is pulling a jack rabbit on my ass. Ya'll know what I'm talking about, he humping me so damn fast and hard it's like he's running a race! I can feel his sweat dripping on my back, I was disgusted and ready to be through, I mean a bitch PRAYED for the 5 minute treatment! The only reason I didn't stop him was because I figured with him going at that speed, he'd be done pretty quick. He put something down, but it wasn't the damn Mack! Ugh it was awful! Then there is the unfortunate, waiting...and waiting... OK, what are you doing? Put it in! "It's been in for 5 minutes!" Oh....now ya'll know you've had this one! Dick so little no matter how tight and right you are, the shit just went right on in like you just walked through a automatic door in a grocery store! Nah, you ain't loose boo, he's just small!! OMG! And what about the talkers! Now don't get me wrong, I like a little dirty talk. Like, "You working the hell out of this dick", or "Take that shit" or "Who's dick is it? This my shit ain't it?" Ya'll, don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about, BUT don't keep with the shit. If you eating the pie, eat the pie, don't ask me if it's good every 5 seconds. Just EAT THE SHIT! Ladies ya'll know, he be down there, killing that clitoris and raise up to ask "if it's good", "you like that shit don't you". What did 112 say, Don't ask no questions, you already know! This one's for my gay men (because the ladies to shy to admit they like it), you got this sexy ass man, big sexy ass lips with the perfect tongue, he flipped you over and got that ass tooted up, spread them cheeks and wanna play tickle me Elmo with the ass! Eat this shit, what are you doing? I mean he sneaking in there and licking like he trying to scratch it lightly with his tongue! Girl bye!! Just put it in! I ain't even giving you head because this shit was so whack! Now let's turn off the black light and turn on the red one. I gotta turn up the heat...You on a date with your man, ya'll out to eat, you dressed down and he is just fine as hell tonight! You smile at him and he's like "what?" In your mind you're like, damn just wait til we get home, but you reply, "nothing". Dinner was great, going to check a movie, you're in the middle of the movie and he grabs your hand. Damn, is touch is just driving me crazy. Movie over, you get home and he starts taking his clothes off. Before he can get them pants off, you already on the bed, like PLEASE put the Mack down! Ya'll kissing and rubbing, the passion is too intense, you just want him to take that shit NOW! And it's time, he's in that thing nice and slow. Your bodies are in sync and he feels so good, your body is on fire! Normally you would've wanted it rough, that's how bad you wanted it. But he pulled a Usher on that ass and kiss and loving ALL of you, nice and slow. It don't matter how long it is, it feels like FOREVER! *Give me that daddy long stroke! (In my Bey Voice)* Now ladies and gentlemen, THAT'S some good sex. You did that thing so smooth, he didn't just fuck you, he made love to your body and your mind. Rick Ross said money make you cum, hmm, will not tonight...Have you ever dated a guy, and he's a gentlemen, manners, chivalrous, treats you like a queen/king. It's your first time having sex, you're a little worried because he seems a bit...too soft. Nothing wrong with making love, but to put a end to that drought, he needs to bust the gates open with a flood so thick and juicy, you'll put a peach to shame. So ya'll going and in the heat of the moment, he snatches that ass up! I'm talking tearin that shit up, hair pulling (too an extent, don't be pulling my nice and neat curls na), smacking that ass, got you beggin for it and don't be ashamed because like TLC said, I ain't to proud to beg for what I call my own! And that's real talk! Chile, after he was finished, you so damn out of breath, forget the gym, he just worked that ass out right here and now. It just goes to show, don't judge a book by its cover, gentlemen in the street, freak in the bed....I was once dating a guy, I was knocked out sleep! Dead to the world. Next thing I know, I feel kissing on my neck, rubbing on my thighs and hard dick pressed against my ass. Now for the people that say, don't wake me up! Forget that, eyes was still closed and I let him get that shit! One of the best surprises he ever gave me! And I LOVE gifts! ;) We talked about bad head, but I think we've all had that special tongue that hits that special spot just right! WHEW! Now I know the ladies don't be feeling the doggy style...whatever your reasons, just hear me it, there was an older woman, she had had sex many times before in her life, and of course she came from time to time. It took one man, he put that thing down from behind, while playing with that cat...this particular woman said she had the most intense orgasm  of her life, she thought something was wrong with her!. Sleep on the doggy style if you want to, but when the right man put that thing down! I'm trying to tell ya! Pain don't last forever...and that's all I'm a say about that! There is nothing wrong or dirty about sex, especially when it's with your man. And if anyone disagrees with you, you tell them I SAID, get a life or get a good dick! And for my single ladies or gentlemen, don't feel left out...no one knows your body better than you... ;) Oops! Oh my!... And on that note the regular lights are back on and I'm headed to take a cold shower, and that's keeping it 100! Thanks for the girl talk!

Emotionally Unavailable Men (He's Just Not That Into You Pt.2)

Yesterday I was sitting in our spare room/sitting room and I looked up at my husband in the living room. He did not notice I was looking at him, but I was. I was admiring the man sitting 20 feet away from me. I wondered how did I get so lucky. He chose me and I chose him. It got me thinking back before him and the turbulent relationships before him. I am sure people look at me and see my present. Although that is not a bad thing, they assume I was always crazy in love on cloud 9. When I speak about relationships and how these men treat my friends and family I speak from experience. I cannot judge anyone because I have been in bad situations. I have done stupid things for men, taken more than I should have, believed things I shouldn't have and loved others more than I loved myself. When I spoke about the signs you should look out for when he's not into you, those are signs that I missed myself. I thank everyone for seeing my current stage of life and seeing the love of my husband and the love for him on my face. But you can't understand where I am if you don't know where I have been. So I want to give you some insight as to why I advice certain things. And maybe you'll get a better understanding of me. Anyone who knows me, knows I have had bad choices in men. Or as I call them, EUMs...what is a EUM you might ask? A emotionally unavailable man is someone who is single physically but is mentally and emotionally still dealing with baggage. It could be an ex, or just life in general. Either way, they're are not ready for a relationship with you...... I have had a bit of everything, including the Confused Cheater, I met him over a decade ago when I wanted him to be a good friend. He turned on our friendship and did some fucked up things. Despite our rough beginnings, turns out we had an attraction to each other, an attraction that no one outside of us could understand. And that was fine. All I knew is I wanted him, and he wanted me and there started my first relationship with a guy. The confused cheater was just as his title. He didn't understand his attraction to guys, but he knew he loved me (or so he said) In fact he loved me so much, he cheated every chance he got, got head from my then best friend, fucked a girl he worked with, fingered girls at school, fucked random white girls, and the list could go on and on. Despite these things I wanted to make things work with him, until he wanted to make things work with another best friend of mine. Little did I know, she did too. So, needless to say, I was left with no man, and no best friend. She laughed and felt so proud over her prize, her very SMALL prize, guess I got the last laugh....It hurt for awhile, but time really does heal all wounds. I had to stop crying over someone who I obviously wasn't worth it to. That's the things ladies and gentlemen, why cry/stress over someone who doesn't think you are special enough to be one and only. If he cheats once, he will most likely cheat again. I was 16 when all that happened, young I know, but you don't have to be in your 20s to experience heartbreak for the first time. Over the next 3 years, I had my share of single men blues(chile that is a Blog for another time), and flings, until I met the Old Playa. Now the Old Playa did not want a relationship and made that fact clear. We had a clear understanding of friends with benefits. But Mr. Playa decided to change the rules bringing in date nights, kissing and intimacy into our flings. For anyone not familiar with this process, this means, it is no longer a fling. It is no longer a fling when everyone thinks you are together and Old Playa doesn't correct them. It is no longer a fling when you go from Chris to boo or baby. But when you solidify it as more than a fling, THEN it returns to a fling. THEN you notice all the other young tenderonies getting their salads tossed, freaked out and made to feel special. After awhile when the "others" numbers increased so much, the benefits drop and you're just friends, now you're all up in your feelings over this Old Playa and now you're the confused one. You are supposed to be older than me, established and showing me things. Not staying with a 19 year old and his mama! Catch that shade! But there is only one way to play a playa, no matter how old....sleep with his friend. lol Well that is not the way to do it, even though I did. I decided I didn't want to waste another year being "friends" with no benefit or relationship. So when the Old Playa said he was leaving...I said bye. A lot of women and men prefer dating older men. But you have to keep in mind, they have experienced things beyond what we know. When I was born, he was 11! When I learned to walk he was in high school! So to each their own, but look out for a man who doesn't take things as serious as you do when he should. Beware of the mind games that comes with a man who thinks they know more than you because they are older than you. So the friend that I got involved with, I thought he was a White Knight. He was sweet, kind, made me feel...like I was on fire. But when the flame burns so hot so quickly, the White Knight burns away and all that is left is the Opportunist under the armor. The Opportunist thought he was fine chile, the finest thing that walked the earth! He thought it was a pleasure for me to be with him. He thought I needed him to be important or wanted. He wanted me to feel isolated so all I needed and wanted was him. But...when you have nothing, what can I get from you? No car....no place to stay...no job....no education....Oh wait, but he was, oh sorry, IS a dope boy....But he attached himself to someone who was going places in life. I fell so hard so fast my head was spinning, this man disrespected me in ways I shutter to think about now. He was so full of himself, he told me I didn't deserve his dick, I wasn't good enough for him. It took quite a few attempts but I had to put the Opportunist out on his ass. And even then I still wanted him. That relationship was so damaging that I had to lose everything to come back from the opportunist, soon enough I was just like him, no car, no apartment, no job...but what set me a part is my work ethic and drive. With God's help, I pulled myself back up. Some may ask, if he did all that, how could I have loved him so deeply. Because I didn't love myself. I didn't love myself enough to know that I was worth more. That he didn't deserve me. For awhile I wondered what I could have done to make things different, until I realized the answer is nothing. Nothing I could have done would have changed the outcome, it just wasn't meant to be. And now he's gone on and attached himself to a new opportunity. If someone tries to take you from your friends, control every aspect of your life, isolate you from everyone, not to mention mental or physical abuse, if shit is just too damn destructive, you have to love yourself enough to let it go. As you can see I have had my share of bad men. I have dealt with things I should not have. I did not know what it meant to truly be in love and be happy. I didn't know what a good man felt like. Those experiences changed something me. I had been so selfless for years that I wouldn't be selfless anymore. I became selfish. Not to be nasty but because I felt I deserved it. I deserved for a man to claim me, I deserved for a man to be true to me, I deserved to be one and only, I deserved for a man to treat me as his equal. I deserved a man who thought I was worth it. I didn't know how to treat the right man when he came along. That's when I met the Halo, now when I say Halo, I don't mean angelic. I mean a normal, stand up guy, with light and dark qualities who has horns that hold up his halo. The Halo was different, yet familiar. I felt like the Halo was what my soul had searched for. It happened so quick, I wanted to be vulnerable with him, and let him in. But I had already had 4 strikes on my heart and couldn't bare to add another. I soon realized that the light and dark of the Halo depended solely on me. He had the ability to hurt me worse than anyone before him or love me harder than anyone ever could, he could bring out the worse parts of myself and also the absolute best. For a long time I was afraid of the Halo, because of his power and influence and the true potential of what I could have. I was afraid to let myself have everything I ever wanted. Sometimes you are so used to dealing with bullshit you don't know how to act when God gives you quality. Every relationship takes balance and after 6 years I realize that's what it takes. Love and War. And boy did we have our fair share of both. Nothing is perfect. Never settle. Men only do what you let them. If you let them get away with cheating, then he will. If you let him make you feel worthless, he will. If you let him hit you, he will. Each of us have an abundant amount of strength we never know about until we need it. When I look back at EVERYTHING I have been through I realize I didn't know my own strength, I did not know I was strong enough to handle certain situations and to overcome. And you will, you have to love yourself. I can't stress it enough. The Halo used to tell me all the time that he loved me, and I didn't believe him. It wasn't until I loved myself that I truly saw what love is and I am able to open my heart to him and receive his love. So when you see that glow on my face, it is because I love myself, and I love him and he truly loves me. Ladies if a man will disrespect you, he will disrespect your children, especially if they are not his own. Guys if he will sleep with your best friend, he will continue to cheat with anyone/anything. It all boils down to respect. Respect yourself. Love yourself. And that is where a good relationship begins. There is no perfect relationship. Show me a perfect relationship and I will show you a lie. The right man is out there, stop wasting time with the wrong ones, and that's keeping it 100!

He's Just Not That Into You

Ladies and gentlemen, we have heard the phrase "He's just not that into you" a few hundred times. But what does it mean? How can you identify the characteristics. Sometimes we get so caught up in the "I really like/love him" that we lose sight of our intuition. Sometimes it takes sitting back and REALLY, I mean REALLY analyzing your situation. I'm sure your cycle goes something like this. He does something you're not sure about, but you know you feel some kind of way. The feeling escalates for the next few days because he doesn't seem to care about why you're feeling the way you're feeling, you're "naggin" or "trippin". You say you're done, and then he comes back around with "I'm sorry" and talking a good game, so you have a brief moment of happiness and then you're back at square one. You have to realize he's not who he is when he's talking that good game. He's just pumping your head up. He's who he is from the moment you met him, up until now. A few things to look out for would be...

*If he bringing up the ex a lot*
Ok, yes the ex talk is necessary for a relationship I believe. But you say what you, and leave it alone. If he constantly talking about the bitch, then that's a RED flag. Talk to him about it, give him a chance to redeem himself, if not...deuces!

*You talk a little or barely at all*
Now see, when I first started dating my husband, I wanted to talk to him every chance I got. I was so excited about my new boo, I wanted his voice to be the first I heard when I woke up and the last before I went to sleep. Ladies don't be deceived, men are like that too, they are just low key about the shit. If he never wanna talk on the phone, always busy, oh I'll call you back and never do, prefer texting, go days without talking...RED flag, no ma'am, he don't want you boo....deuces!

*No date night*
If he rarely takes you out in public or he never wants to spend time with you or do things with you...he's not interested. If he likes you, he's gonna wanna be around you. If that is SERIOUSLY lacking....RED flag, he's not into you...deuces!

*Doesn't ask about you*
If he doesn't ask about your life, or how your day was, your goals, plans, NOTHING! He shows no interest in ya'll's future or let alone yours, no that's a RED flag...How can you even tolerate a man that doesn't ask about you or where ya'll could go?....deuces!

There are countless other signs, If he doesn't bring you around his friends or family (depending on the length of the relationship) or even show interest in doing so, if it is more physical than emotional, secretive about his phone/text messages, OH! And if  you can't be on his facebook friend list, or you are and he can't tag you in posts, or doesn't claim you period...RED flag! Chuck the deuces on his ass!

Most people spend so much time chasing the wrong people that they could potentially miss the right one. Sometimes you have to evaluate your situation. Can this person bring the same things you can. I'm talking 50/50...no 70/30! Why waste time with dead weight, if you see trash on the side of the road, you don't pick it up, you leave that shit there.

I read an article that I want to share, when a man is serious about you, you won't have to wonder, you will know, I don't think ya'll heard me, let me say it again and break it down, when a MAN, not a grown ass boy, wants to be serious with you and grow with you, you will not have to wonder about his intentions. He will make it known he is for real. Grown man don't play games. He'll apologize for being late and provide explanation. Not that you need a play by play, but he's considerate and doesn't want you to think otherwise.He is attentive when you are speaking and follows up about the things you say, because he knows it is important to you, so it is important to him. He cares about your future and encourages you to make yourself better. He is affectionate! He holds your hand and not afraid to be boo-ed up with you, he has meaningful conversations with you, pays attention to the little things and of course, he's sensitive to your feelings and he RESPECTS you!

It's time to stop making excuses for these men. Life is to short to be chasing some man around that's laughing while your ass is running after him. Want better and DO better for yourself. Anybody can talk a bunch of bullshit. But a real man will SHOW YOU. There is nothing wrong with wanting love, but when that person isn't right, he's just not right. And you have to move on with your life and make way for something better. Nobody wants to be alone, I get that, because I don't. But once you find that man that will make you feel worth it, you're gonna wonder why you dealt with the worthless and that's keeping it 100!