Don't Touch My Hair

What's up my 100s! So I've been having a pretty FABULOUS weekend! I finally got to meet my country husband Mr. Luke Bryan! It was such an amazing experience. Big shout out to my husband for making that happen! AND we had amazing seats! We were practically right in front of the stage. Anyway, as 2017 continues to flourish for me, I wanted to take a break from the heavy and post something fun. HAIR! I know a lot of ladies and some gentlemen can relate. So let's get to it shall we...

~Wild and Naturale~

When my hair is in it's natural state, it is more durable. So the following are some dos and don'ts during this time...

WATER: Because my hair is naturally curly water will only improve its look. Therefore, I'm good with the rain. We can go to the beach, the pool, the jacuzzi, the waterpark, or wherever. We can take a shower and play with the removable shower head. I'm good. These things are allowed. 

WIND: The wind is ok sometimes. There is nothing more freeing than riding to nowhere and the wind breezing through these gorgeous curls. However, if we are going out somewhere and the curls are set, no bueno. There will be no rolling down the windows sir. There is no carefree moments when we're on date night and my curls need to stay in place! Why??? Because more than likely the curls may be a bit wet, so they are STILL SETTING. A gust of wind and I'm looking like bozo the damn clown! Nope, no wind in this case.

HEAT: Because this may be a natural look, heat has no affect on these curls. Now for all the sweaters out there like me, it's just like water. Again, I'm good. Even when we're between the sheets and you're ready to throw down. I'm good with the bump, grind, and sweaty. Its just curls. They can be re-washed and reset. Strip it down and put it down, I'm RETS to go! (Unless fellas you got an extra boujee bitch, then sorry no booty lol.) You can pull this hair and handle ya business, We're typically down!

STORAGE: After you have put it down and it is time to go to sleep, I'm a throw this scarf back on. I'm sure you got too damn happy when I gave you the green light to pull. I know some men don't like it, but it keeps the hair in place. I wouldn't advise snatching it in the middle of the night. However, if you do toss it, it won't be as bad. We can wake up, throw some water on them curls, and be ready to go. No harm, no foul.

GETTING READY: Now you had your fun last night, but when it's time to show off, I need you to allow me the time to get it right. So if it takes me an hour to get these curls right, don't trip just go watch Instagram or something. Whatever you do...please this is important fellas...NEVER...EVER...say "it looks fine the way it is." That's the quickest way to get your ass cussed out. Let me be great and look how I wanna look on your arm for the evening. 

~Straight and sleek~

Ok, on occasion I like to wear my hair straight. Here are the dos and don'ts...

WATER: ZIP. None. The smile I have about this bone straight, will quickly go away when water is involved. Ain't no pools bihhh. If it's raining, men I need you to have an emergency umbrella ON HAND! Because if this hair gets wet, who do you think we're gonna blame it on?

WIND: ZELCH! No way in hell. Sorry. I'm good for an occasion Beyonce fan, but as for rolling the windows down, why even risk the cuss out? No wind sir.

HEAT: Hell to the naw! Heat leads to moisture! So you want me to have fuzzy roots!?!? NO! Ain't no bumping and grinding either. This will not be like The-Dream, there will be no sweat it out. I spent HOURS blowing it out, you gon have to handle that problem yourself buddy. Don't come sliding up on me.

STORAGE: This hair needs to be wrapped DOWN TIGHT! Oh you don't like the scarf? Tough shit, sorry. And if you slide it off when I'm sleep, I feel sorry for you in the morning. You want a bitch to wake up looking like buckwheat?

GETTING READY: Same rules apply. Allow me the time to be great. And don't say we take too long, so now you want me to have fly aways???? You want me to walk around open to attack from humidity don't you? That's what you want. And please like I said before, you better not say it, it will not look fine until WE say its fine. 

That's not hard to remember now is it? And this is most important of all. To all the outsiders out there, Don't touch nobody hair. You may have gotten away with it once or twice, but the fury was there. I don't care if you know the person or not. If them curls spilling out of control, don't touch. If that hair slick to the GODS, don't touch.  I'm just keeping it 100!