The Timeline

It's 11:56 PM, and I am sitting here with my husband watching The Twilight Saga. And the fact that this love was so intense it makes me wonder, how soon is too soon? For anything? Let's break this down in sections. So let's say you've been dating someone for about 3 months. Things seem to be going great. You're in the blissful, new relationship stage. You enjoy spending time with this person and the kisses are GREAT! You're feeling him, he's feeling you, the chemistry is crazy. Is 3 months too soon to have sex? Now granted some people don't wait 3 months. I say 3 months for 2 reasons. One because my husband and I waited 3 months. It gave us time to get to know each other without the emotional pull of sex. Plus it gave us time to really...crave each other to that point. I also say 3 months because my girl Joan Clayton from Girlfriends had her 3 month rule. lol. So is 3 months too soon? Or is it too long to wait? I think 3 months is a good time period myself. You can date, hang out and just enjoy each other's time without the pressures of sex. But that has to be established in the beginning. Ladies and gents, you can't keep things going and then when he ready to hit the guts, you like "No, you gotta wait". Let it be an open discussion, one that makes the expectations clear. If he is REALLY into you, then he will wait. And he will not pressure you. So things are moving on, the sex is great. If it wasn't then you probably wouldn't be moving forward. You're dating more. Maybe even spending the nights once every blue moon. You're at the 6 month mark. You're feeling these feelings (not just when he's inside you) and he makes you happy. The feelings is so overwhelming, it's only one thing you can say... Is 6 months too soon to say "I love you". Now do you really know someone enough for 6 months to be able to say, you love them? Don't get me wrong, every relationship is different. Some people wait longer than that, some a lot sooner than that. Some people just know. It was something about my husband's spirit, I knew God brought him to me. I could see our future in his eyes. You had me at hello. Now we're moving right along and he has said it back. Now it's I love you bae this and love you bae that. Everything is still going good. You realize this is someone you can really build a future with. You've had arguments, but you're still hanging in there. Still happy and in love. You wanna take things to the next step. I mean when you think about it, you're practically over at his house all the time anyway or he's always at yours. You're celebrating that year mark. Maybe we should talk about moving in together. Now for some, a year long relationship isn't enough time to move in with someone. But there are some that do it before a year. Is it too soon? I mean you have to think about this. Yeah you've been getting along. Yeah, you know his favorite food. But when you co-habitat with someone, hunny you see ALL KINDS OF SHIT. You get the real deal. You learn more about him/her, AND yourself. This is when you learn, one of you is a neat freak and one definitely is not. When of you likes the toilet paper one way and the other the opposite. One of you puts the cap back on the toothpaste, and the other does not. And ladies for the life of you, you can't understand why he can't put the damn seat down! It's an important step in any relationship. Please don't take it lightly. There WILL be issues! Trust me, I know! My suggestion is talk about things up front. Put everything on the table, so there is no surprises. Talk about who will pay what, if someone looses their job what is expected, who's good at what around the house, etc. When you set expectations for things, it helps the transition smooth over. If you require "Me" time, then say so. When you live in a space with someone you have to consider them in how you live. Because it is their space too. So over the next 12 months, cohabitation has been a blessing AND a curse. You've thought about having your own space, needing "ME" time, just blending lives. Probably have had some money issues, maybe even some trust issues here and there. You've talked about your futures and you both seem to want the same things; marriage, kids, house, careers, etc. Now you're celebrating your 2 year anniversary. What started out as a simple date, has turned into a deep committed relationship that you have come to depend on. You are so in love, you can't imagine your life without this person. So he arranges something special and you're like, ok I know where we're headed. So you get in your mind how and where the night will end. So you dress to the 9s, and he takes you out to the Cheesecake Factory. The night is already starting off right, this is your FAVORITE restaurant! You're not surprised he remembers because he talk about it all the time and he never wants to go. You sit down and place your order. He pulls out a cute black box. Your heart drops...He tells you how much he loves you and you're so incredible. You open the box, expecting to see a diamond, instead you see 2! 2 Princess Cut, diamond earrings. You smile because you're appreciative but disappointed that it wasn't the ring. The rest of the night goes smoothly, as you try to hide your disappointment. When can anyone know when they are ready to get married. Is 2 years too soon to marry someone? Some get married WAY quicker and WAY longer. We waited 6 years to get married. (Partly because of the whole same-sex marriage thing) I know couple who have waited 10 years. We enter into relationship hoping that marriage is where you'll end up. You love him, you've been through some rough shit, your relationship could be a testimony to your single friends, but what is he waiting for? You've been together for 2 years, or how many other years it may be. You know you're ready. Is he not ready? Don't tell me, after all this, he has commitment issues!?!? I feel that no matter how many years it is, you can be ready for marriage when you both are on the same page about goals and dreams. When you both inspire and lift each other up. Not you do your thing and then me. Or vice versa. Let's do this shit together! You go after your shit, and I will do the same and let's bring in these RACKS! Marriage is more than flowers, officiant and cake. It's becoming one with this person. Committing to go through the trenches with him, to hell and back. It is love and war, but always putting them first. It's not just about living life on a sunny day, but riding the storm through the rough ones as well...So the anniversary flies by. And it's a few months later. The topic of marriage never comes up again. And you're starting to wonder if ya'll will need to have "the talk". It's on your mind so much he can tell something is wrong. But like always, you say nothing, I'm fine. One day you think about talking to him about it but before you do, you finish getting dressed because you're going out to a concert tonight. Your favorite singer is in town and he surprised you with tickets. You're probably thinking, damn he can do that, but you can't buy a bitch a ring. Damn didn't Beyoncé say put a ring on it!?!? Damn, where my ring at? You're at the concert, having a ball. That special song comes on. You know the one, the one that reminds you of him. You starting singing, and you cry a bit because your feelings are being sung to you. This song reminds you of why you fell in love in the first place. And you make a conscience decision to not rush the marriage issue for a bit. Next thing you know you get a glimpse of him, to see if he sees you crying like a baby. And he's down on one knee. The gesture catches you off guard, and now it's like no one else is in the room but you two. You kneel down to hear what he has to say. "I didn't want to do it on the anniversary, that is so cliché, what better way to ask you to be my wife/husband than to your favorite song being played live, I love you" And of course, you say yes. People think stories like that never happen but they do. There are good men out there in the world ladies and gents. It's just finding YOUR soulmate. Whatever your timeline is, will be your testimony. It's those moments you look back on when you're 6 years in and looking at him lying in the bed, waiting on you to watch a movie and you say to yourself. It was all worth it, damn I'm the luckiest guy/girl in the world. Don't let the world pressure your relationship. Don't feel like you have to follow any guidelines or timelines. Make your own and cherish each moment, so 10 years down the line, you can tell it to your kids and that's keeping it 100!!