Run its Course Pt 3 (I Ain't Sorry)

In my absence, I’ve had questions wondering when I would return to the Blog. There were times I wondered if my blog hadrun its course. BUT….my creative writing class, reminded me that I have more things to write about! The only way I will be successful is to continue to make it fun for me. Because when it’s not fun for me, it comes off as not genuine and when I’m not genuine, I’m not keeping it 100. 

So with that being said, let me do what I do best. About a month or so ago, I was ready to give up on any friendship that didn’t hold a current “active” status in my life. And I wasn’t fucking with new friendships either. I had become a pessimist. But my husband said something that put me in check. I haven’t made a huge effort to be a part of anyone’s life. But I also felt like it wasn’t reciprocated. So I decided I wanted to rebuild certainfriendships again. The people I used to go out with, let’s go! You wanna do lunch? If I’m not broke, let’s go lol. Let’s go get this mani and pedi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m just tired of the “let’s get together” and then it doesn’t happen. I’m tired of being someone’s listening ear for the juice and drama in their life, but when shit all good, my phone got desert dick. I will make time for those who make time for me and who wants to put in effort. I don’t need to hang out every day, but for fucks sake, once a month isn’t unrealistic. I actually did a test, I had a friend I was reaching out to every morning, and every morning we’d chat back and forth. Then I wondered, would these morning chats happen if I don’t initiate??? So I stopped. That was a month ago, she hasn’t written me yet. And we live so damn close, it stupid ridiculous.

Another thing… why is it that when you have friends you meet at work; the bond seems so strong that you could be friends FOREVER. But when you no longer work together it’s like……..**crickets**** Damn you change your number and don’t give to me. How could we have “loved” each other like we say? How could we have meant that much to each other, if we don’t care to try? Was Convergys/Citi/ADT/AT&T our only connection? I don’t know…maybe so….who knows…

What I do know is…I want real people around me. My life is transitioning into the next phase of my life. And I want like-minded people around me. People with goals and love to livelife. I should be able to go to the movies and concerts with my friends, not just my husband. I’m not here to cry friend, let a bitch vent. lol I realize some people aren’t meant to be there for certain season in your life. And I’m fine with that, I just don’t wanna give up on friendships prematurely. Because I’m too old to be talking about “It ain’t nothing to cut that bitch off!” lmao. I’m too grown for that bullshit. 

I love the people in my life right now, I just want the RIGHT people in my life… and that’s me keeping it 100!

Pet Peeve

It is 8:18 PM and I am sick as a dog! It has been a rough year for me so far. I know it has been a while since I've written and let me explain. Last month, I felt mentally out of it. I was uninspired, disconnected from everything and just in an all around funk! I retreated to myself and shut the world out. I didn't care about school, work, writing or anything. I felt disconnected from everything that mattered to me, including my marriage. Every time I opened my mouth to express how I felt, I felt even more silly. Because despite what I felt, I knew I had so much to look forward to and to be grateful for. When it came time for the Carrie Underwood concert, I woke up the day of and decided I was gonna force myself to be happy. All this year, I've been praying more and I knew it had to be the devil trying to steal my joy, literally. So as I tried to push myself out of a very negative space, the devil tried his best to cage me in. My birthday was...well it sucked. The entire weekend wasn't that bad though...but NOTHING went to plan. And then...I started to feel sick. And over the weeks of February, I've gotten worse. What they diagnosed as Bronchitis has apparently mutated. I don't know what the fuck I have right now, but I'm coughing, congested, body aches, extreme fatigue, nausea and on a good day I have a decent voice. No medicine is seeming to work, only suppressing the symptoms a bit. All this on top of maintaining work, school and a little bit of the house. (One had to go lol) So that's where I'm at right now. I'm looking forward to some MUCH NEEDED rest for my two off days. Believe me, my body needs it. I don't know how much more I can handle of this sickness. I never get sick, so this is a major blow for me.

But anyway, I know y'all have been waiting on what I'm gonna do next...For a second, I thought I was out of topics to write about. But while I've been "not at 100%", ya boy has been brain-storming and recharging the batteries. I got more juicy girl talks coming, some short stories I'm a throw in, Opening up the Ask Chris column and of course, I'm a keep it 100! So on my return, we're gonna keep it light-hearted and petty...

I've asked around because I wanted to get a good amount of feedback...What is your pet peeve? For those who doesn't know, a pet peeve is something that just grinds your fucking gears! It aggravates you to no end! We ALL have them...here are some of mine...

Ok, So I'm at the cash register paying for my meal. The cashier asks for my form of payment, I hand her my debit card. She wipes the card and then lays in down on the counter in front of me...This is my number one! I think it is so fucking rude if someone hands you something, IN YOUR HAND, that you lay it down in front of them. I dealt with this a lot when I worked at Blockbuster, the customer would sit the money on the counter and reach their hand out for the change...hell no! Yes I was petty as fuck about it. I even had one person, address me about it. I told them politely, I gave it to you how it was given to me. It's just rude people. Some people don't mean anything by it, but it doesn't change the fact that it's rude as fuck. I saw my husband do it today to a cashier and I was mortified!! I absolutely hate this, this is my BIGGEST pet peeve.

Another would be smacking! Like, close your mouth when you eat!! You're not a damn horse!!! UGH!! I also hate when you're on an elevator about to get off, and the person waiting to get one, walks in before you get off...What the FUCKK! It drives me crazy! That goes the same for stores too, if someone is leaving, as you're walking in, you let them out first then you go in! It's like the rule of thumb!!

I asked a few of my Honky Tonker members (my Luke Bryan group on Facebook) and a few of them said, control freaks, people who pop gum, and mean people. Someone also said, (and this is a good one) people who post vague shit to bait people to comment on their statuses. Y'all know the ones, the "I can't believe this happened" or "Today it's all over" Stuff like that! Now to keep it 100, I HAVE done this once or twice lol But it does aggravated me when people do it. You post these vague ass posts to get people to say "What's wrong" or "I'm here for You" GIRL BYE!! Take yo victim playing ass on somewhere...which was another pet peeve, people who play victim...

Other people I asked said things like, stupid people, bad drivers, people who stand too close to them in line and ignorant and closed minded people. I also heard another good one, Two-faced people! Or people who use bad grammar on Facebook. How the fuck are you going off on somebody, but you talking ignorant as shit. We all see it..."your a bitch ass no job on wellfare as ho. im a beat u ass, wen u get hear." You know, talking all kinds of fucked up. You're=You are. Your=belong to. I'm just saying.

I know some pet peeves can be petty, but who the fuck cares. When you have something that irks the fuck out of you, it doesn't matter what anyone else says. If they got a problem with it, tell em YOU'RE MY PET PEEVE BITCH lol Or how about frontin ass people. If you lame, stop frontin like you a boss! If you ridin in your mama shit, stop frontin like you on that shit. If you know that dick game ain't on point, stop frontin like you bout that life! If your kids want for anything, stop frontin like you a bad bitch! If you gay but frontin for the streets and your fam, get on some grown man shit and stop frontin' ol flip floppin ass mutherfucker! Keep that shit 100!

28

It's 12:37 PM and it a very cloudy Saturday afternoon. My husband is still sleep and I'm feining for a crab tray. WITH SOME NECK BONES!!!! BITTCCCCHHHHHHHH!!!!!! lol. But It's been a quick week. This is my birthday weekend, and to be honest it hasn't gone as planned. But I'm rolling with the punches. At this age, with everything else I've been through in life, you have too, right? Well first off let me say I'm sorry to my readers for being away so long. January was a rough month for me. I felt overwhelmed and uninspired. And for any writer that is an unhealthy combination. But I'm back and I'm working my way back to happy. So I have a few things to discuss, so grab you a cup of tea and let's get to it!!

I always get very reflective around my birthday. I think back on who I was and what I was doing a decade ago. So...10 years ago, I was 18, and in college. I ultimately failed that math class, and quite working at the Loop. I went back to work at McDonalds for a LONG 3 weeks and it was hell. The day I got hired at Blockbuster, I never went back to McDonalds. I got my license that summer and moved in with a friend at the time. That situation didn't work out, so I moved back home and continued to work at Blockbuster. That was the brief synopsis of my 18th year of life. But underneath all that, I thought I was grown. I developed at the time what I called a "grown state of mind". And I was still very immature. I was still believing I was Bi-sexual at the time and my confidence in myself was no where near what it is today. I was beginning to learn about Adam4Adam and BGC (BlackGayChat) and that was the beginning of me looking for love in the wrong places. I was looking for love within hookups and expected men to treat me and hold me to a standard that I didn't hold myself to. 18 was a year that I learned I knew nothing about myself and what I wanted or my potential. I was living for that moment, I didn't care about the future.

Now at 28, I have a whole different outlook on what's important and what I want out of life. I understand the value of myself. I know I have great potential when directed at something positive. I understand that I don't have to have EVERYTHING right NOW. It will take time and hard work to get the things I want. At 28, I'm more in love with myself than I have ever been in my life. I realize that friendships come and go, people aren't meant to stay in your life forever. People are unpredictable, all you can do is pray for them. Most importantly, at 28, I realize I'm still a work in progress. I'm still learning, still growing, still maturing, still discovering myself. At 18, I thought life had to be figured out by 25 but, 25 has come and gone and I'm still figuring things out. At 28, I'm learning to let things go and to not take things, people, time for granted. At 28, I'm indeed wiser but still growing.....

Sometimes it helps to reflect on the person you were before. People to judge me on that 18 year old boy. I'm not him. He's not dead, he just grew up. He became a 28 year old man, with passion, goals and dreams who takes a lot less shit lol. But enough with the heavy....

Are y'all ready for Superbowl Sunday???? I could give a shit less about the game, but I'm excited to see Beyonce hit the stage, it's been awhile. Word on the street, she'll be announcing at tour very soon. Here's to that!

Well, that's all I have for today. I hope everyone enjoys the weekend. Don't let the weatherman kick you in the balls like he did me. I think I'm about to go look into this crab tray!!! Thanks again for keeping it 100 with the Real Mr Clark!!!

The Rain

It's 1030AM, and it's pouring down raining here in Jacksonville. I'm
laying in bed next to my husband with the window up listening to
pounding water droplets hitting every nearby surface. I close my eyes
for a second to take it all in. Despite everything going on outside these walls, 
work, a hectic day, doctors appointments, the pending homework, I feel tranquility.

Here in this moment I'm able to truly reflect and be my most purest self. Breath
hot lol, hair sticking up, my once gelled edges are frizzy, black
smears from yesterday's eye liner, Drunk on you by Luke Bryan playing
in my head and I'm still me. I'm still diva! Lol Just a basic diva
right now lmao. My week was ok. My husband and I celebrated our first
wedding anniversary on the 12th, school is picking up and ADT is still
ADT. The highlight of my week thus far is this moment. I'm able to
slow down and be still.

The rain is coming down hard and steady, I just wanna go run through
it lol. Why is all of this relevant???? Because there was a time when
I wasn't so happy with my life. Wounds that hadn't healed completely,
broken relationships, communication issues, not praying like I should,
slacking in certain areas.... I'm reflecting. Last year was fun, it was
life changing, and lesson learning. This year, I'm learning to let
things go. Accept things as they are, and accept things I can't
change. Forgiveness. I just wanna be a better me. In 2016, I want to
be closer to God. I'm starting to pray more. I'm learning to let go.
Friendships that aren't contributing to my life in a positive way, I'm
letting go. Situations that happened in the past, hell the past
period, I'm letting go. My future is too bright to look back at the
shadows.

When I say "keep it 100", it does means that everything I say is gold
or that I know all. I slip too. Sometimes I don't keep it all the way
100. Sometimes I have to follow my own advice and sometimes I don't.
But I can admit to my faults( sometimes later rather than sooner lol)
I'm a work in progress. I can be hard headed and take the rough road
but I'm man enough to admit it. Keeping it 100 isn't just about being
honest with people. It's also about being honest with yourself. It's
about knowing you can't always be honest with people. It sounds crazy
but it's the truth. People say they want the truth but then get mad
when they hear it!

I often look at myself through other's eyes. And people would be
surprised to see the difference! I'm viewed differently by my family,
friends and my husband. Sometimes I sit and think, well which version
am I? I'm still discovering myself. I have a strong sense of who I am
and where I wanna be, but sometimes I question myself. People see a
slew of confidence, and sometimes I see the mountain of insecurities
and issues I have with my physical appearance. People see intelligence
but sometimes I see the opposite. I wish I was as Flawless as I say.
Truth is, I'm just like everyone else. I have issues, dark thoughts,
hopes and dreams.

Drip drip drip...it's still raining and I'm wondering to myself if
there's a point to this Blog....I feel like the things I couldn't let
go is being washed away. It's harder than you think, I've held onto
pain for so long, I sometimes don't know how to be happy. I'm about to
be 28 in a few weeks. This year excites me. I feel more determined
than ever. I don't have time for negativity and bullshit. I will be a
better me, a better husband, a better friend, a better writer...The
past can't hurt me anymore. People around you or not around, who
threatens your today with yesterday's bullshit isn't worth having in
your life. Pray about it and let it go. Fuck what people think they
know about you, pray for them and let it go. Stop concerning yourself
with shit that has nothing to do with your goals.This year is about
positivity and growth. I'm still listening to the rain, but I'm no
longer still. It's time to start the hustle and bustle of this day.
This is more of a diary entry than a blog lol I don't remember much of
what I said, I was just speaking my mind. Thanks for reading....and
keeping it 100 with the real mr Clark! Lol time to go from basic diva
to top notch ;)

ADVICE

It's 12:37AM, and I'm sitting here watching True Blood with my husband, while drinking a Sour Apple Martini!!! First off, WELCOME TO 2016!!!! I look forward to an amazing year. As you know I don't believe in resolutions, so all I will say is, I look forward to becoming closer to God, my husband and strengthening my faith. I just want to be a better Chris. I'm learning to let go of negativity and focus on the positive. But anyway, first blog and I already have something to say. There was an incident recently where I gave unsolicited advice and I had to take a step back and really think about what it means to advise someone. And then it hit me....who the fuck really can!?!?

So, the thing about advice is. It’s subjective. People ask you for advice and really don’t want it. Then why in the hell do they ask you may say/?….Because they want to just vent on the shit that’s on their mind! Your friend doesn’t want you to tell him how much of a useless asshole his boyfriend is. He just wants to vent. Your friend isn't able to tell him these concerns or issues to his face or properly focus his frustrations, so you, the trusted friend, must bare the weight of your friend's relationship issues. And you’re expect to sit there, engage, nod occasionally and when the shocking part comes, you’re supposed to go….GIRLLLLLL that’s fucked up. “Oh no he didn’t”. “Well, Damn!!”. People just want to be heard. But the minute you truly insert your feedback, and join the bashing train. Deep inside your friend’s head, they are a bit insulted that you’re talking bad about their lover. Or when the shit is done hitting the fan, you're expected to forget this conversation and be excited and blissful about their relationship.

People often turn to me for advice and it means so much to me that they value my opinion, but what people have to remember is what I'm saying is MY opinion. What I tell people is based off what I WOULD do. Or what I have done in the past. I let my friends know that it does not represent what THEY should do, or make what I say right. The decisions and choices I’ve made over the years have worked (or not worked) for ME. I like to take a step back, evaluate what I’m being told and provide constructive feedback to the people that ask and truly want my opinion. Who am I to tell someone what they SHOULD do. But even I have to catch myself sometimes.

You also can’t take advice from everybody. What makes a person truly qualified to tell you what you should do with your life? Every situation is different. Similar is not the same. If your man cheat on you and y’all been together for 6 months, and you ask me what you should do because you know my man cheated on me, but we were dating for 6 years….See how that can be different. There is levels to a situation. No two incidents are the same.

I’m not saying don’t seek advice, but just take it in with an open mind. What a person tells you isn’t definite. It’s just relative to the conversation. And the same goes for the person “giving” the advice. Don’t be ‘round her telling people “WHAT THEY SHOULD DO” or “WHAT THEY NEED TO DO”. You can only speak for yourself and what YOU would do or have done.

In my opinion, married folks shouldn't take advice from single friends or family (especially one’s that have never been married) How in the hell can you advice me on what I should do about my husband when you don’t know what it means to even have one!!! No shade but it ain’t no comparison boo-boo. That’s just me though. Even advice from married couples. I don't think anyone can really comment on a marriage. What goes on in a marriage is that couples' business. How you gon tell them what works for them??? No couple is perfect and no marriage is the same. Don't tell me what I should or shouldn't do for my husband (especially when you don't have one) or what I should or shouldn't let my husband do based on your opinion.  All in all, be mindful of what you spread with your tongue. There is after all, life and death in the tongue. Stop feeding into drama and breath positvity and real life into situations….and that’s keeping it 100!

G-Code

I exhale with anticipation. The crowd around me is very festive and lively. I can here other conversations going on around me. Yes, I'm being nosey. There is a couple to my left, the girl is going on and on about her day, and the guy is listening but it appear to be bored. Across from me is a group of friends excitedly talking about the holidays and how hungry they are. Just as they mention something familiar my Iphone goes off with a text message from my friend. The message reads that she's parking and will be in shortly. I sigh with relief, because I too like the group of friends is very hungry and my friend has had me waiting for about a half an hour. Before I could dwell on her apparent tardiness she comes breezing through the door. Dressed head to toe in winter. We live in Jacksonville, FL so it's about 62 degrees out and this chick has a scarf and snow boots on. But all in all, she looks lovely. "Hey boo, sorry I'm late" she says, walking towards me. "No problem" I say, instantly forgiving her lack of punctuality. She sits down next to me and starts going on and on about how her boyfriend was the reason she was late, and she'd further explain at the table. I sat just like the couple to my left, listening as my friend went on and on. I really wanted to hang onto her every word but she was beginning to talk in circles. "Clark, party of two!" Called a nearby hostess. And not a minute too soon.

We got up quickly, and I tried to avoid the stares of people near me, who are still waiting. Sorry y'all, your time is coming soon, I thought to myself. We got to the table and ordered a round of Cosmos. I've only known her for about 9 months, but she's so genuinely sweet, it's no wonder we're friends. She's quickly become one of my best friends and I feel as if I've known her forever. Her positive energy is exciting and she's very supportive. I need more friends like this. We met because she was crying at work one day. She then told me her life story, explaining how her last relationship ended very badly and how she was cheated on and he was mentally abusive. She then found out he was sleeping with her cousin and got the cousin pregnant. She didn't even get the chance to dump him, he left a note and changed his number. It was such a fucked up situation. She continues to tell me, she's late because her new boyfriend of 6 months wanted to put it down before she left and she was sure if she left it hard, he'd use it somewhere else. "I'm so happy with him though, I don't think he could ever do that to me, I want so bad to fully trust me, but there's just something about him that makes me a bit cautiousness" she says. "I'm happy for you boo, just take it slow, and when am I ever gonna get to meet Mr. Wonderful, you haven't even told me his name" I said.  "Oh, maybe one day. He's kinda funny acting about gay people. And I wouldn't want him to disrespect you" she says. "But I have a picture" she continues. She pulls out her phone and proceeds to show me the picture of Mr. Wonderful. I'm waiting with anticipation as she flips the phone around. "What's wrong?" she asks. The look of horror on my face is apparent. I can't stop staring at the picture. I then thought about my last relationship I always seemed to find emotionally unavailable men, but the last one was the doozy. I fell so hard, so fast I couldn't see straight. I pulled out all the stops, and did everything I could to make him mine, but he wouldn't commit to me. He was still crazy over his ex, but wanted to play house with me, without a title. The unofficial relationship lasted for 2 long years before I had had enough. We actually used to come to this very restaurant. It was our favorite. Being here now brings back a lot of painful memories, I guess that makes me a bit of a masochist. But not as much pain as when she showed me the picture of her boo. "My ex used to hold me just like that, as a matter of fact we took a picture just like that, he told me all I needed was this picture to remember that he loved me" I said. I glance at her and she has a look of confusion on her face. "My boyfriend told me that too" she said. She could see the hurt on my face. "That's him" I said. "Who? Is he here?" she asked. "No, in your picture. That's my ex" I said. "Impossible, your ex is gay, right?" she asked. "I thought so too" I said. "You're lying, stop that messy shit" she said. I pulled out my phone and showed her my version of the picture. And her face went pale. There he was, her Mr. Wonderful, and me in his arms. 

"But you said he was awful, and wouldn't commit, that doesn't sound anything like Tony at all" she said. "Well, Antonio, was and apparently still is very  manipulative. You got played. I'm sorry girl" I said. "I can't stand these faggots thinking they can take our men" she says out of no where. "Excuse me" I reply. "You heard me, I'm sorry it didn't work out, but he decided he wanted a woman, not someone pretending to be a woman, that's why he wouldn't commit to you. He's not a faggot" she said. "Bitch, he was a faggot when he ate this ass! He was a faggot when he asked me to fuck him! I'm sorry girl, your man is gay and you're a dumb ass bitch. I'm leaving, thanks for the drink and have fun with you and your faggot ass boyfriend. Don't forget to ask him how this ass tasted when you got home" I said. I picked up my keys and walked out....Bitch completely violated the G-code.....

It's 1:54PM, and I am patiently awaiting Christmas!!!! I'm so excited to see my family and the look on my niece's face when she opens her gift and ALL THE FOOD!!!! Y'all know I'm greedy. lol. So last week's Blog may have been a little in your face, so I'm a take the tone down a bit and just have an open discussion. Let's talk about the G-Code. We all know what the G-Code is. It's that code among friends that usually never has to be spoken. You just know. Let's get into it...

The most known rule of the G-Code is, you don't date your friend's exs. That's period. It's a universal No-No. If you think the ex is cute, you keep that shit to yourself and take it to the grave. Hos over bros, like for real. But there's levels to the shit. Even if it's just a crush, active boo, or work boo. You don't cross that line. When you know your friend likes someone, it should be automatic, there goes that one. Because is it really worth loosing a good friend over? Don't be Captain Steal-a-boo. That shit ain't cute. If your friend has a crush, then you indulge with them, not against them. Ain't no sharing biiii!!!!

But sometimes the shit gets tricky, just like the scenario above, sometimes you don't know it's an ex. Shit happens like that, what do you do? Do you expect your friend to dump Mr. Wonderful? Or can you put yourself aside and be happy for them? Before you answer that, flip it. Let's say you were dating Mr. Wonderful, would you give him up because he's your friend's ex? I think it depends on time. How long have you and the friend been close? How long have you been with Mr. Wonderful? I know that's contradicting but it's the truth. Sometimes the G-Code has to go out the window and you have to be selfish. Or just get the fuck over it. But situations like the one above will ruin a friendship, the outcome is never good. Because if your friend dumps Mr. Wonderful, they will resent you. They get to thinking what if he was the one? If they don't dump him, you probably won't be as close as you were. Especially if you bonded over discussing your personal relationships, that part of your friendship is over because you know you don't wanna hear about that shit. It's a bad situation either way. Just like the situation on Catfish with the friend and the baby daddy. They fell out in the end because that girl fucked Trez. I know she did! She said fuck the G-Code, sorry that's your baby daddy, but I'm lonely and I want the D. Sometimes, shit happens.

Another rule of the G-Code, is if you see your friend's spouse/lover/boo flirting and putting the mack down with someone else, YOU SPILL THE TEA!!! Yes bitch, you sing like a mutherfuckin Mockingbird!! No joke. Because I want to know. You pass the info and let them deal with it how they may. If you don't tell, that's a violation of the G-Code and your friend will be mad at you. It's a fact.  Now let's take it deeper, what if you see your friend's spouse/lover/boo getting down with the same sex...Now this is a loop hole to the G-Code. Now this is a rule I violate every time. I don't care who you are, but I will NEVER tell my female friends if I see their guy with another man. It takes shit to another level. I had a friend that has been with numerous gay guys, and I will never tell her. EVER! To all my fellow gays, I'm telling you, it doesn't matter how many gay husbands, or gay friends she has, you tell a girl her man is fruity and shit will turn around on you. I'm telling you. I won't do it. Call me a bad friend or whatever, I'm down with anything else. But I ain't down with that! 

Another rule, if your friend is getting jumped...well the mature thing is to call the police. But per the G-code, you jump in! Now I don't condone fighting, AT ALL. But if you're my bestie and I see you getting jumped, no bitch. I'm jumping in!! Unless it could ruin my reputation or something then girl you on your own. I love you and all but my family comes first. Just saying...But hopefully as grown ass adults, we won't be in that situation. But if it's verbal, HELL YEAH! I got you! Ain't nobody bout to bully my bestie! Get the fuck outta here with that shit! We gon read them bitches DOWN! 

There are many rules to the G-Code, those are just a couple. There's the signal when it's time to go. Every friend has it. When y'all go somewhere and you know it's time to bounce, you give the signal and it's time to move. Or if you're dating, you give your friend the guy's info, just in case something pop off....But one of the most important rules is, when your friend is dealing with some shit and need to release....you're there. Whether it be phone, going out for a drink or just having a movie night. It's the most important rule of the G-Code. Be there. And THAT's keeping it 100

Hello

Hello. It's me. I was wondering after all these weeks, if you and me could meet...lol It's 2:59 AM, and I am sleepy but I'm ready to reconnect with everyone. It's been a busy couple of weeks. First of all, I hope everyone had a GREAT Thanksgiving, I know I did. And to all my college students, we are DONE with finals week!!! Yep, it is winter break in this BITCH!!! And I don't plan on logging into my school website until NEXT YEAR! Speaking of which, this will be by last semester, because in May, my husband and I will graduate with an Associate's Degree!!!! I know right!! EXCITING TIMES!!! I think this will be a catch up Blog for me....so let's get to it, here are my random thoughts!

To piggy back on my graduation. I must say, it is surreal. Because 4-5 years ago, I didn't think i'd ever get back in school, let alone graduate. And here I am, with the strength and encouragement of my husband. We motivate each other. Push each other. Us doing well in school, is not just for him, or me. But for US, our future, our kids, the life we want for each other. If the person you are with does not push you to achieve your maximum potential, I'll say it like this, you need to re-evaluate some things. Like seriously. Speaking of graduation, when I graduate I will be the FIRST of my siblings to graduate with a degree. THE FIRST! Not to say that they're not successful in their own ways, but I will be the first of my mother's children to go to college and get a degree. Imagine that, the youngest, the one that came late in life, taking it all the way. So why does it feel like it means nothing to my family? Why is it that my husband and I seem like the only ones excited about our graduation? My niece will graduate high school next June, a month after me, and that overshadows EVERYTHING. Don't get me wrong, anyone who knows me, knows I love my niece, that's my ride or die right there. It's not her, it's her mother and mine. They act as if my graduation means nothing. They talk about this BIG graduation party for her and wanted to include my little cousin who also graduates high school. But the first one to get a college degree is completely overlooked. Now at first, I felt some kind of way that I'm not being celebrated or even acknowledged, but then I realized. My husband is my cheerleader. He celebrates me and I do the same for him. Maybe it wasn't meant for me to be forgotten, or hell him too. But I'm tired of getting the shit stick when it comes to me and my marriage. Some people secretly hate you for what they have not achieved for themselves. Which brings me to my next thought...

Next month, in exactly ONE MONTH, I will be married ONE YEAR!! I look back at those memories and think about how happy I was and how stressed I was on who was coming and who was not coming. But the crazy thing is. My husband and I always say, the people that were meant to be there, were there. And I believe that. BUT...it sometimes bugs me that some people that have seen our relationship through good and bad, were not able to attend. Especially since, some of the people in the group picture we are not close with anymore. I will not name names, and this is not a bashing session or anything like that. But it's just odd that a person I wanted there, who I always wanted to be a part of my wedding, I don't even speak to anymore.  I won't go into in detail, but even on my husband's side. Family is one thing, they're always gonna be there. But I've learned that friends really do come and go. Jealously...envy...whatever....It just means that they weren't meant to share in the rest of my journey. And I accept that. I still got my best friend, so what can I say, some friendships are meant to last forever, even if you don't speak every day.

Ok, what the fuck is up with all these damn bomb threats in our schools? Like for real. Everyone wanted to jump to the girl's defiance when she got yanked from her chair, but look at what kids are doing. Threatening to shoot up school parking lots, hacking schools, bomb threats. And Y'ALL don't think these kids today are out of control??? We are loosing grip, at what point is enough, enough? And that's all I'm a say about that for now.

And in closing, I saw The Wiz Live and um...y'all need to stop jumping on damn Raven Symone. Y'all always wanna talk about black people don't support each other, but as soon as someone has an opinion they're not supporting. GIRL BYE! No, BITCH BYE! I agree with Raven, I missed the "movie version" too. Notice I said movie version, because y'all quick to throw up that it was not the original. But most people DID NOT know that. So I agree, I miss Diana and Michael! It was the shit! I don't agree with everything Raven says sometimes but I'm a say what she can't say because she's on TV. GET THE FUCK OVER IT!  It was good, but it wasn't ALL THAT! Queen Latifah almost fell and them vocals were not up to par, the Dorothy girl got on my damn nerves! And Mary was only an OK Evilene to me. And y'all know I love Mary. But...it was just ok. Ne-Yo did good, everyone did good. But it was just OKAY! I'm not on TV, so if you say something to me, I'm gonna say something back. And unlike her, I will tell you to get the fuck out of my face, if you coming with some bullshit!

So I think that just about sums up our catch up of random thoughts. I wanna say, I love all my supports, please keep spreading the word about me, and sharing and retweeting.  All my overseas supports, Thank you! I just want everyone to love yourself enough to know your worth. Reach for your dreams and know that everything is possible.  With hard work and determination, you can have what ever you want out of life. It's ok to make mistakes, it's not about the mistakes you make, it's about what you do after that defines you. There are gonna be many to doubt you, hate you, envy you, but you have to build and keep pushing forward.  The past can only hurt if you let it. The only one that can stop your future is you. Let's step forward and keep it 100! Let's start repost, retweeting and letting people know you're 100! #keepit100 with #Therealmrclark, so everyone knows, this is some real shit and you're about that real shit, AND THAT'S KEEP IT 100!