28

It's 12:37 PM and it a very cloudy Saturday afternoon. My husband is still sleep and I'm feining for a crab tray. WITH SOME NECK BONES!!!! BITTCCCCHHHHHHHH!!!!!! lol. But It's been a quick week. This is my birthday weekend, and to be honest it hasn't gone as planned. But I'm rolling with the punches. At this age, with everything else I've been through in life, you have too, right? Well first off let me say I'm sorry to my readers for being away so long. January was a rough month for me. I felt overwhelmed and uninspired. And for any writer that is an unhealthy combination. But I'm back and I'm working my way back to happy. So I have a few things to discuss, so grab you a cup of tea and let's get to it!!

I always get very reflective around my birthday. I think back on who I was and what I was doing a decade ago. So...10 years ago, I was 18, and in college. I ultimately failed that math class, and quite working at the Loop. I went back to work at McDonalds for a LONG 3 weeks and it was hell. The day I got hired at Blockbuster, I never went back to McDonalds. I got my license that summer and moved in with a friend at the time. That situation didn't work out, so I moved back home and continued to work at Blockbuster. That was the brief synopsis of my 18th year of life. But underneath all that, I thought I was grown. I developed at the time what I called a "grown state of mind". And I was still very immature. I was still believing I was Bi-sexual at the time and my confidence in myself was no where near what it is today. I was beginning to learn about Adam4Adam and BGC (BlackGayChat) and that was the beginning of me looking for love in the wrong places. I was looking for love within hookups and expected men to treat me and hold me to a standard that I didn't hold myself to. 18 was a year that I learned I knew nothing about myself and what I wanted or my potential. I was living for that moment, I didn't care about the future.

Now at 28, I have a whole different outlook on what's important and what I want out of life. I understand the value of myself. I know I have great potential when directed at something positive. I understand that I don't have to have EVERYTHING right NOW. It will take time and hard work to get the things I want. At 28, I'm more in love with myself than I have ever been in my life. I realize that friendships come and go, people aren't meant to stay in your life forever. People are unpredictable, all you can do is pray for them. Most importantly, at 28, I realize I'm still a work in progress. I'm still learning, still growing, still maturing, still discovering myself. At 18, I thought life had to be figured out by 25 but, 25 has come and gone and I'm still figuring things out. At 28, I'm learning to let things go and to not take things, people, time for granted. At 28, I'm indeed wiser but still growing.....

Sometimes it helps to reflect on the person you were before. People to judge me on that 18 year old boy. I'm not him. He's not dead, he just grew up. He became a 28 year old man, with passion, goals and dreams who takes a lot less shit lol. But enough with the heavy....

Are y'all ready for Superbowl Sunday???? I could give a shit less about the game, but I'm excited to see Beyonce hit the stage, it's been awhile. Word on the street, she'll be announcing at tour very soon. Here's to that!

Well, that's all I have for today. I hope everyone enjoys the weekend. Don't let the weatherman kick you in the balls like he did me. I think I'm about to go look into this crab tray!!! Thanks again for keeping it 100 with the Real Mr Clark!!!