The Shift

Hey what's up my 100s!!! I know it's been awhile and I've been promising you a blog for 2017. Well, here it is. I hope this year has been treating you very well. So far, I have found myself very blessed for this year. Just a heads up, I have a lot of stuff under construction. I am working on a new Blog site  don't worry it'll be epic. And hopefully it'll bring forth a better blogging experience for you and me! I'll let you know when its ready to be revealed.

I wanna talk about that sudden shift in a friendship dynamic. You know what I mean, we've all been there. You think you have this really good Judy. You know the one that "loves you so much" and you are just  "crazy about them too." But then something happens. An event, or a comment intervenes. All of sudden you start to view this friend in a different light. That's when it happens....The shift. When you're used to that warm feeling you get about a person then all of a sudden things are so cold between you two. Your dynamic is off. Now you're not talking like you used to because one(or both) of you still feels some kind of way about the other and won't address it. So you stay cordial and let things ride. But the more you ignore the shift the further apart you become. I'm sure the simple way to resolve this is to just talk the problem out. But why don't we do this? Why are we doomed to repeat previous cycles? Did we trust too easily or just give up too soon?

I know there isn't a single friendship that is perfect, but if this person was so quick to walk away from, were they ever your friend to being with? I am guilty of this as well. I give my trust away too easy. I invest my heart into a friendship, just for it to be something seasonal. Sometimes I feel I expect too much from people. Just like with work friends. I expect for us to still be friends when either of us leaves the job that binds us. But once the binds are undone, the friendships quickly fade. Why is that? Is there a such things has having a lasting work friendship? You say you love me but when you change your number you don't give it to me. Or you call a person to say hey, I'm thinking about you, they don't answer and text you back "Hey boo u called." I don't know, maybe I'm reading too much into it, ya'll know I'm always going through some friend thing. It's a bit sad that in my last leg of 20s, I still struggle with the lifetime/seasonal thing. I want so bad to have lifetime friends like "Girlfriends" and "Sex and the City" but I end up with part time work friends that only care as far as the job is concerned. When are we gonna stop letting people treat us like the customers we're on the phones with and start standing to  be treated like someone who is valuable and appreciated for the love and friendship we can provide? Just my thoughts of course, and that's keeping it 100!

Him Vs Him Pt.1

What’s up my 100s!!! I hope your weekend is going great! Lord knows Monday is just right around the corner…unfortunately lol Ok so here’s a scenario for the ladies…You’re single. You’ve had many bad dates and failed relationships; however, through it all, your best friend (who happens to be gay) has been there for you. He has been your support system through all the trials and tribulations. And not just the heartbreaks; the family drama, other friends and thepettiness, deaths…the list goes on. Your best friend has been there uplifting you every step of the way. You can tell him anything and it stays between you two. He’s your ride or die, your ace boon coon!

One day, you finally decide to take his advice. You realize you are at the point in your life where you’re focus should be on you. You are comfortable with who you are and ok with being single. You’ve decided to live your life and let love happens when God says it’s time. Then BOOM the time comes, and when you least expect it. He courts you for about a month or so and now you’re dating. He seems to be the man of your dreams. Everything appears to be great with him. He has a good job, his own car, own place, he does have one kid, but no baby mama drama. In fact, you’ve met the baby mama and she’s kinda cool. There are no lingering feelings, just co-parenting.  He’s a great father and still appears to want more kids in the future. Speaking of which, he’s so comfortable with talking about the future and his goals in life. He’s a man with a plan lol. He’s a God fearing man and attends church more than just the communion service once a month. He’s just a breath of fresh air. Not to mention he’s a beast in the bedroom! Dick so good, he got you cooking breakfast, lunch AND dinner! And he makes sure you get yours ;)

Your two leading men haven’t met each other yet but you feed smalltidbits about them to each other. After a few months, you decide you want them to meet. So ya’ll go out to dinner or whatever so you can make your two worlds collide! Everything seems to go great, your best friend is being himself and making you laugh, however you notice your boyfriend is kind of quiet. He’s being unusually quiet, seeing as he’s able to hold a conversation about pretty much anything. 

So when the night winds down, and he’s driving you home, you ask him was something wrong. He hesitates and responds he didn’t realize your best friend was gay. And that you never mentioned that before. You ask if that would be a problem and he replies bluntly yes.  He does not like gay people, at all. He explains they make him uncomfortable, he doesn’t agree with their lifestyle and makes a conscience effort to avoid being around “those people”. He admits he’s severely homophobic and the thought of having to be around “someone like that” disgusts him.

For the first time, you’re seeing something in him you don’t care for. He explains, your friend seems nice, but he has no interest in being around him. If they move in together, he doesn’t want your friend there when he’s home. And he definitely doesn’t want “his” kids around that sort of behavior. So you can still have your friend, your worlds just can’t collide the way you want…What do you do? Do you try to maintain your friendship and keep your worlds separate and just expect your friend to understand? That means he won’t be at your wedding, any big birthday parties, your friend can’t come, and he won’t be able to have anything to do with your kids. So he definitely won’t be an “uncle”, “auntie” or “godparent”. 

 Or do you breakup with the man you’ve been waiting for? I mean, he is pretty much everything you’ve wanted in a man, even your mama like him. He has structured goals and will be an amazing father. This is who you want to spend the rest of your life with! What do you do?????

I personally would never stand in the way of my friend’s happiness. It may not be right but girl go get your man if that’s what you want. But to be honest in a situation like this…the friendship would dwindle. Because one, you’re still choosing, even though you may convince yourself you’re choosing both, you’re really choosing your man. But you will adhere to his restrictions. I would hope I’ve taught my girlfriends enough that a homophobic man has deeper issues than him “just not liking gays”. Two, if I’m your best friend and you have so much respect for me, the gay community and our culture, why would you wanna be with someone like that? Why would you wanna raise kids with someone who wants them to be closed minded and become possible bullies???? I don’t know, it’s a sticky situation, but either way, keep it 100 with me and let me know what you think!

Wake UP!!!!

Hey what’s up my 100s! I hope your weekend is going GRAND. lol Turkey day is right around the corner…literally! I will be expecting a plate from each and every one of you. Inbox me for the address lol Just joking…not really… ANYWAY! So I had another blog planned, but this topic deserves immediate attention. Most likely you’ll get the other at the end of the week or next week. So by now, I’m sure everyone has heard about Kanye West and his antics. Out of respect for my girl Kim, I won’t dig too hard into him.

The goal of this blog is to wake people the fuck up. On one hand I get it. People don’t buy music anymore because they can get it for free. Whatever. That’s on you when the people start coming for that ass. But I support my artist. But not just ANY and EVERY artist. I support those who treat their fans with respect. Rappers like Kanye West makes me sick. He only acts the way he acts because you people let him. I swear I would NEVER give that fool my damn money. He performed 3 songs last night and left the stage. What the FUCK! This ain’t the first time he did this shit. He did it a few weeks ago and ya’ll still spending your hard earned money for him to walk off on you. That’s how much he respects your time and money. He respects his fans enough to perform 3 songs, cry over Jay-Z and then walk off stage. Fuck your time, your hotel fare, your airfare, AND your last bit of PTO, because he wants to be in his feelings.

Same thing with Justin Bieber, this fool showed his ass ALL year! He gives his fans his ass to kiss. Yet ya’ll still spending dollars making this ungrateful bitch rich! WHYYYY? Then you wanna look crazy when he says off the wall shit!  You allow him to do it!

Let me tell you, it took Monica ONE TIME. ONCE! That bitch had me waiting FOUR HOURS to see her perform 6 songs in less than 15 minutes. That hoe will never get me to pay to see her again. If I don’t win it, I ain’t going! K. Michelle had the nerve to be late year and didn’t even apologize. Rihanna showing up on stage LATE, and high as hell. It’s an insult! These people, our “entertainers” are taking our money and giving us their asses to kiss! It’s time out for that shit.

You stop paying 10 bucks for the music, but you’ll pay $100 to be disrespected in your face!? Lauryn Hill won’t come out on stage if she’s not “in her zone”. Fuck your dollar, because she’s not in her zone. STOP MAKING PEOPLE RICH WHO DON”T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOU! Say what you want about Beyoncé, but that bitch be on stage falling down stairs, bleeding, hair caught in fans, throat burning and sick as a dog, but not missing a beat to make sure she gives her fans the show they paid to see.

You’ve already stopped buying their music. So these artists have to tour to make money. Cut that shit OFF, therefore; they will have no choice but to get that shit right. These celebrities act like they on top of the world. Although it IS entertainment, it’s still a job. And what happens when you get to acting stupid thinking you’re above it all on your job??? They stop paying your ass! Stop giving your money to people that don’t respect you, or your time! And that’s keeping it 100!

Growing Pains

What’s up my 100s! It’s just a typical Thursday night. School is done for the week….at least the classroom portion lol And I’m relaxing before the weekend. Most people that know me know that I was born to parents that were older. They loved me and taught me many fundamentals. Now unlike my friends, I didn’t have siblings to grow up with and go through the growing pains. My siblings were pretty much already grown. So the three of them would pitch in to help fill the spots that parents couldn’t fill.

Growing up, I would observe a woman learning herself as time went along. From the outside looking in she had the life hunny. A husband that made good money, nice apartments, even left Jacksonville for the fast paced Atlanta. Eventually the life people thought she had was gone and she eventually came back to pick her pieces up and move forward. Before then and even after, I spent a lot of time with her. So much so that her coworkers thought I was her child. Lol. She didn’t know it but I studied her. Her work ethic and the lifestyle she craved. I knew one day, I would get me an office job and work the shit out of it. And stay in Baymeadows, just like my sister. Although heavily burdened by being the oldest, she’s a survivor. She taught me that no matter what life threw at you, you can survive it with faith and love. The same lessons she passed down to my beautiful niece.

Growing up, I only knew one role in my family…the baby. I used to wish for a younger brother so bad. It never dawned on me until this moment that I’d be giving up my power. The power of being the youngest child goes deeper beyond words. You get away with EVERYTHING. So naturally when a person is the baby for years and then there role is stolen (hehe), there is bound to be tension. I never understood at such a young age why he was gone so much. And his journey still amazes me. Fathering a child out of high school, going into the military and having a wife, there left not much bonding time for us. I remember thinking he left because he didn’t like me. I don’t know when or where that feeling passed, but obviously it has. He was gone most of my childhood, but would visit when he could. He didn’t know that although there was tension, every time he left to go back to Virginia, I would cry. I remember one time, I sat outside for about an hour after he left, crying. And when he finally came back for good....Lord help us lol The sibling rivalry that I heard so much about came in new and hard. We had our own growing pains for years. Often saying hurtful things that can never be taken back. His road was long, grinding and entering into entrepreneurship and kicking the doors open. I admired his hustle. He taught me that I could do anything. I would never know how something will work out unless I try. And anything worth doing, do it right. I told myself I wanted to have the things I want and work hard for them, just like my brother.

Growing up, there were often things I didn’t understand. Mostly why life dealt good people such hard hands. There were often period where he wasn’t there. But it always felt like he was. With one brother off living life and serving the country, I gravitated to the other. It felt like I was always there with him. I was so apart of his life that sometimes I forgot who my ACTUAL parents were. Lol From the outside looking in, he had it all. A great job, wonderful wife, laid apartment, nice cars, great social life. It was everything I wanted for myself. I knew I’d have this life when I got older. Although he made many, and I mean many mistakes he was always a positive beacon for me. He taught me to be leader, not a follower. He also taught me what NOT to do lol I looked up to him the most. He didn’t know, there was once that I broke this kid’s nose for saying something bad about him. I knew when he got the chance to be a fulltime father, he’d make a great one. No matter what life threw at him, he overcame it. Through his trials, I knew that I could overcome anything, no matter how dark it may seem, because my brother is a fighter.

My parents left me in good hands. Three different experiences. Three different perspectives of life. I was lucky. I know we don’t talk often and probably see each other less than that, but I wouldn’t trade them for the world. I’m so proud of the strong individuals they have become and the lives they’ve made for themselves. Even though they can get on my nerves sometimes, I love them to death…and isn’t that what siblings are all about anyway lol And that’s keeping it 100!

Positive State of Mind

What’s up my 100s!!! I hope everyone had a great week! This week has been a bit rough for me. I’m getting back into the swing of school and I’m trying to force myself into new study habits. Lord knows I’m a procrastinator. Through it all, I am determined to stay positive.

Speaking of which, I know that a lot of times when you’re going through it becomes difficult to have a positive state of mind. Letting the devil in and letting him win is not an option. The world is filled with so much hate and discourage right now. The club Massacre. Cops shooting people, people killing cops. The uncertainty of who will win the upcoming presidency. Natural disasters taking away everything you hold dear. Hearts being shattered by betrayal. Sometimes it’s easy to feel like the world is out to get you. It becomes so easy to believe that no cares and it’s better to have a fuck it attitude. Trust me, it’s not. Now more than ever we have to stay positive and promote positivity. Start speaking life with your words. If work is a little shaky, think something positive and hold on to that thought to make it through. If someone fucks your day up, don’t stay in that funk. Speak it out loud, change your whole way of dealing with situations. If your response to everything bad is, sometimes shit just fucking sucks, then what kind of turn around do you think you’ll have.

I’m not perfect, Lord knows I have moments when I’m Debbie Downer. But I try not to let my negative situations get the best of me. I don’t choose the “positive way” every time. But when I do, I feel better... And it may not even happen every single time, but isn’t worth not letting it get the best of you. And that’s all I’m saying, the more you fuel negativity the higher the flame will be. Extinguish it with positivity, you don’t wanna be engulfed and burn the hell up…And that’s keeping it 100! I know that last part was a bit corny but for real though, with so much negative bullshit going on in the world, when are we gonna stop feeding it. Change your thought process and who knows what you can change based off that alone. 

Don't you bring me....NO BAD NEWS!

Don’t nobody bring me….no bad news lol What’s up 100s, this topic has run across me recently and I have to bring it to you. I’m a just get right to it. Would you wanna know if your EX gets married or expecting a child? Let’s drop a scenario...... You’re happy in your relationship and things are going good. You're married, maybe some rugrats, whatever. Then your friend comes to you and acts like they have the most important news for you.... “BITCCHHHHH I ran into so and so yesterday and guess what.... bitch HE GETTIN MARRIED!! And this new hoe, I mean he alright, he ain't you though!”.....pause to roll your eyes lol.... But would you wanna know? My answer is no. If I’m happy in my life, don’t come telling me about no loser from the past. I don’t care about how long we were together or how it ended. I don’t wanna know. Why would I care? I’m the type of person that I wish all my exes the best anyway, good for them. Whatever turmoil they caused me is in the past, I don’t have any ill feelings towards any of them…. well…the majority of them lol just joking. But for real, I’m happily married and my life is amazing. I don’t care what’s going on with them. Now on the flip side, if I wasn’t happy or not married, then…NOPE still wouldn’t wanna know. Lol. I can be honest, if I’m not happy and we ended badly, I might be a little bitter. He showed HIS ass in our relationship AND HE gets the happy ending first!?!?!? Lol Bottom line I don’t wanna know. And you never know what kind of buried emotions you can dig up by bringing up an ex. Some of ya'll say you're good and moved on, but just the mention of their names shakes your soul and sends shivers down your back. My opinion, leave the past in the past, don't bring me no news about somebody I USED TO be with. 

Now, this doesn’t apply if it’s your baby daddy or ex-husband. Baby daddy, is a definite yes, because this is who your child is going to be around! Ex-husband…. I don’t know. If we haven’t spoken in years then maybe not. I really don’t know. So let’s hear your thoughts…would you wanna know? Would you be mad at your friend for bringing you the news? What if you still have feelings for the ex…be honest and above all keep it 100!!

Ask Chris: Cheaters Pt. 3

Hey what’s up my 100s!!! I’ve gotten an overwhelming response to my Cheaters blog. So before we move on to the next blog, we’re gonna expand on this one. So our question today comes all the from Virginia! 

“Dear Chris, So I read your Cheaters Blog and it truly got me to thinking. I have suspected my boyfriend of cheating on me for months now. Now please don’t think I’m stalker crazy, but he always goes into another room to talk on the phone. So I try my best to listen. He also has his phone on super tight security and I’m not allowed to go through it at all. I even found a condom underneath my bed. He swears I’m paranoid and the condom was from us. He’s starting to make me feel like I’m crazy, but my gut tells me I’m not wrong. In some instances, it seems like he’s pulling away from me. I don’t know. What do you think? Please tell me something.”

Ok, first of all my fellow 100, I’m glad you enjoyed my blog.Thank you so much for reading. Second, I do not think you’re crazy. Take it from someone who’s been there. To be honest, I’ve been on both ends of the spectrum, meaning, I’ve been wrong and right about my suspicions of my other half cheating. So if you suspect something, do not let your intuition run wild and drive you crazy because it will. So on one hand, you have to be prepared that you may actually be wrong. Talk to him, let him know you wanna talk on a serious note, no bullshit. Keep it 100(no pun intended) with each other. If you’re wrong then that’s a slight relief, however whatever led you to your suspicions need to be addressed as well. I personally don’t believe in the whole extra tight security on the phone. Loosen that grip dude! He can leave it locked, just give up that code ;) As for the condom, is it possible that it could have been from ya’ll? In the heat of the moment, stuff gets thrown anywhere. lol As for the distance, talk about that too. You never wanna feel like that. Communication is key. BUT…if you get enough evidence to prove that what you’re experiencing is indeed an actual jackass move on his part…... Then same rules apply. Don’t play games, bring it to him straight. I’m not gonna say leave him, that is entirely up to you. But he needs to know that going around showing his ass or in this case his dick to everybody or whoever, will not be tolerated! If he can’t agree to an exclusive monogamous relationship then you’ll have to decide at that point if this is something YOU’RE willing to accept and go from there. These things can be tricky but you have to follow your heart and always remember your worth! Good luck to you and thanks for keeping it 100 with me!

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