Growing Pains

What’s up my 100s! It’s just a typical Thursday night. School is done for the week….at least the classroom portion lol And I’m relaxing before the weekend. Most people that know me know that I was born to parents that were older. They loved me and taught me many fundamentals. Now unlike my friends, I didn’t have siblings to grow up with and go through the growing pains. My siblings were pretty much already grown. So the three of them would pitch in to help fill the spots that parents couldn’t fill.

Growing up, I would observe a woman learning herself as time went along. From the outside looking in she had the life hunny. A husband that made good money, nice apartments, even left Jacksonville for the fast paced Atlanta. Eventually the life people thought she had was gone and she eventually came back to pick her pieces up and move forward. Before then and even after, I spent a lot of time with her. So much so that her coworkers thought I was her child. Lol. She didn’t know it but I studied her. Her work ethic and the lifestyle she craved. I knew one day, I would get me an office job and work the shit out of it. And stay in Baymeadows, just like my sister. Although heavily burdened by being the oldest, she’s a survivor. She taught me that no matter what life threw at you, you can survive it with faith and love. The same lessons she passed down to my beautiful niece.

Growing up, I only knew one role in my family…the baby. I used to wish for a younger brother so bad. It never dawned on me until this moment that I’d be giving up my power. The power of being the youngest child goes deeper beyond words. You get away with EVERYTHING. So naturally when a person is the baby for years and then there role is stolen (hehe), there is bound to be tension. I never understood at such a young age why he was gone so much. And his journey still amazes me. Fathering a child out of high school, going into the military and having a wife, there left not much bonding time for us. I remember thinking he left because he didn’t like me. I don’t know when or where that feeling passed, but obviously it has. He was gone most of my childhood, but would visit when he could. He didn’t know that although there was tension, every time he left to go back to Virginia, I would cry. I remember one time, I sat outside for about an hour after he left, crying. And when he finally came back for good....Lord help us lol The sibling rivalry that I heard so much about came in new and hard. We had our own growing pains for years. Often saying hurtful things that can never be taken back. His road was long, grinding and entering into entrepreneurship and kicking the doors open. I admired his hustle. He taught me that I could do anything. I would never know how something will work out unless I try. And anything worth doing, do it right. I told myself I wanted to have the things I want and work hard for them, just like my brother.

Growing up, there were often things I didn’t understand. Mostly why life dealt good people such hard hands. There were often period where he wasn’t there. But it always felt like he was. With one brother off living life and serving the country, I gravitated to the other. It felt like I was always there with him. I was so apart of his life that sometimes I forgot who my ACTUAL parents were. Lol From the outside looking in, he had it all. A great job, wonderful wife, laid apartment, nice cars, great social life. It was everything I wanted for myself. I knew I’d have this life when I got older. Although he made many, and I mean many mistakes he was always a positive beacon for me. He taught me to be leader, not a follower. He also taught me what NOT to do lol I looked up to him the most. He didn’t know, there was once that I broke this kid’s nose for saying something bad about him. I knew when he got the chance to be a fulltime father, he’d make a great one. No matter what life threw at him, he overcame it. Through his trials, I knew that I could overcome anything, no matter how dark it may seem, because my brother is a fighter.

My parents left me in good hands. Three different experiences. Three different perspectives of life. I was lucky. I know we don’t talk often and probably see each other less than that, but I wouldn’t trade them for the world. I’m so proud of the strong individuals they have become and the lives they’ve made for themselves. Even though they can get on my nerves sometimes, I love them to death…and isn’t that what siblings are all about anyway lol And that’s keeping it 100!