Dare To Be You!

It is 4:02Pm and I am sitting alone in the dark with my thoughts. I had every intention to write about bullying, but my thoughts took a turn. It’s a damn shame that in the year 2015 some people still can’t be themselves. Or better yet they’re too worried about the next bitch too much to be themselves. In an age where some many odd/weird things are accepted, or at least somewhat respected, why do people still care what others think? My story began when I was in middle school. EVERY DAY, I would have to walk around on egg shells because those bastard ass kids made me uncomfortable to be myself. It was as if they tried to make me hate myself. I was the short gay kid that wore dragon shirts, and Jnco jeans. I listened to Spice Girls and boy band pop. They tried to take every piece of those things and they tormented me. So because I didn’t want to be teased, I put pressure on my parents to buy the Nikes, Jordans and the expensive ass name brand clothes. I lied to them and myself about who I was and what I stood for. I wasn’t even sure about my own sexuality yet but that didn’t stop them from shouting out how gay I was and a bunch of other inappropriate things. I found comfort in my music, but even that was ridiculed. All because I am black, and I was listening to “white” music. All those things made it uneasy to go through life. Over the next several years, I was often self-conscience about my weight, the way I walked, what I wore, etc. I forced myself into R&B and Rap music as to not have a repeat cycle going into high school. During high school I had my first boyfriend…the confused cheater…he was so scared people would find out he was gay, that he made me scared. Even after him, I would walk through the stores and the malls, hearing laughter and I just knew they were laughing at me. When I started to embrace the gay lifestyle, the men would spare no feelings in saying that I was ugly, fat and dark. If I wasn’t skinny and light, no one would give me the time of day. Well I have to give the Old Playa is props, he took notice to my un-comfort one day and asked me about it. I gave him the run down, and he said, you know, those people may be snickering and laughing, because they are not brave enough to be themselves. They either want to be you, do you, or thought about it. Don’t be uncomfortable in your own skin. Love yourself. It took some time but since then, I stand tall as me. Christopher Gordon Clark. Yes I am dark, but my skin is beautiful, and smooth, no blemishes and chocolate is way more desired than carmel ;) Ugly??? Mutherfucker, do you see this face?!?! These sexy ass lips, these cute eyes, and don’t get me started on my hair. And fat...baby this bubble butt ain’t never had any complaints. I say all that to say, be you. Ladies, if you wanna be a tom boy, then you rock your jeans! If you wanna be a girly girl, twirl in your dress! If you don’t like your hair, change it! If you wanna be a boss, then girl be a BOSS! Same thing with my gays, if you wanna do drag, then damned get snatched and do drag. If you wanna wear heels, then bitch get you some heels! Some of my family members looked crazy at me when I walked in with my Michael Kors bag, YES! I rock a damn bag, and I look damn fabulous too! Did you not believe me when I said, I’m a diva! I don’t give a fuck what any of them have to say. I put on eyeliner, I rock bags and hell maybe even one day I’ll come stomping out in some heels. My husband wants to try different things, do it baby! Don’t be afraid of what these insecure miserable mutherfuckers think or have to say! You want some hair, get your Margeux. He wanted to try make up once, so we went to the mall with a couple of his friends and he had Bobby Brown put some on him, his friend laughed and made jokes. Even when I wear my bags he laughs. It doesn’t bother me, you’re just not comfortable in your own skin. You want so bad to embrace your inner queen, but you’re too scared. I guess some people have to laugh to keep from crying. But not me! I am almost 30 years old, I’ll be damned if I’m going to be anyone else but me. I’m multifaceted. So if I wanna be masculine, I will! If I wanna be feminine, I will! If I wanna sing Beyoncé all day, bitch I will! Some of his friends think I’m too into Beyoncé, some of them even teased about it, but bitches guess what? I’m Beyhive ALL DAY! Let me upgrade ya, so you can stop checkin for me, cus bitch I’m Flawless! And if I wanna bust out in the middle of the street in the Single Ladies routine, BITCH I will! Because I’m me, and I’m confident. I’m tired of people having something to say about what I do and what I like. If I want to go to every fucking concert there is, as long as my husband doesn’t mind, I work hard for it, so bitch I will! If I want to talk about dick, ass, and sex in my Blog, bitch I will! If I want to spell words MY WAY, in MY informal blog, YA’LL I will!  Stop worrying about my house and swipe at your own front doors, real talk! Today’s youth are scared to come out as gay. And some are just scared to be different. Of course it may not always be easy, but never hide who you are. It’s so bad, some kids are committing suicide because of the pressure they feel. I went through it too young boos, don’t let them steal your joy. Love yourself and give em a big fuck you, you’ll feel better in the long run. My niece is a tom boy, and she is so different I can hardly keep up. But guess what, I can’t be more proud, you do what makes you happy. When you do you and you’re happy with you, you don’t have time to worry about someone else. Life is too short to live your life based on what others think of you or what you’re doing. Because to be honest, if you’re twisting, twirling, stomping, be dramatic, being over the top, giving face, snap snap YASSSSS and a bitch snickers or have something to say. You read that bitch DOWN! You turn and say, don’t be mad at me because you’re too scared to be you, cus BITCH I’M ME! And that’s keeping it 100! Dare to be different!