Caitlyn: Judge Me Not

“How would your life be different if…You stopped making negative judgmental assumptions about people you encounter? Let today be the day…You look for the good in everyone you meet and respect their journey.” 
― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

It's 12:49AM and I've been wondering all WEEK what in the hell was I gonna write about this week. Then it occurred to me that it doesn't have to be anything earth shattering it just has to be genuine. I can just speak on things I've experienced and seen. After all, the title of my blog is "Just My Thoughts...". So last week, I saw a post on Facebook. It was a general question and a good one. Caitlyn Jenner may go to prison, would she go to a male correctional facility or a female one. Now before I give my answer, I know a lot of people are tired of talking about Caitlyn, but I have yet to really share my own personal thoughts. So here we go. She SHOULD indeed go to a women's correctional facility, as she does identify as a female. But that is not what bothered me, the question is indeed a fair one to ask. What was disturbing was that one of the comments not only referred to her as a HIM, but made very disgusting comments like; "I don't support the science project" and "you spelled Bruce wrong." And that was to name a couple. What this person did not realize is yes he is indeed entitled to his own opinion, but you are not only disrespecting her but all transgenders alike. We as humans tend to fear and condemn things we do not understand. So that part of his ignorance is a given, but what is inexcusable is that he did not educate himself on a matter he cannot relate to nor understand before making derogatory comments. The fact is this is why a lot of our youth and even adults are committing suicide. Because people are not taking the time to educate themselves about a particular lifestyle before judging it. People feel so afraid to be themselves and fear they would be severely ridiculed so they end their lives, before they even begin to live. And how can you even say you've lived if you spend your life hiding who you are. I think it is a beautiful thing to be able to be yourself. Your TRUE self! It is not only beautiful but BRAVE. I do not however agree with the media circus Caitlyn Jenner has turned into. I also don't agree that she waited "too long" to transition. I also do not agree with how she told Khloe she was concerned with HER kids. But Kim, Khloe and Kourtney are as much her children as the others. I do slightly agree with what he said about Kris Jenner in Vanity Fair. How if she accepted him, they would still be together. Now granted, I know that woman is hurt and all that. But let's be real for a second, unconditionally love is just that unconditional. If you love a person, truly and deeply, you love them beyond physical appearance. If not, then it wasn't true love. I don't think that was a DISS at Kris but a realization that what they had was not truly unconditional. Yes they loved each other, shared many years and had children, but it wasn't unconditional. You can't put a condition on love. People are also saying, she waited too long to do this, especially health wise. All those surgeries at an older age may not be ideal, but you only live life once, there are no sequels. It's not a shame that she waited until she was much older, it is a shame that she lived her entire life in hiding. Underneath the gold medals, bunch of kids and marriages, she could not truly be herself. I myself am not transgender but I am a gay male. Before I was comfortable with myself, I forced a facade and wore a mask to hide the great person I was. I couldn't be into pop music, I couldn't dance to Britney, I couldn't be an Independent Woman or declare that I don't want no scrubs in my life. I was suppose to be the straight black boy, that listened to the Hot Boyz and dated girls. It took a long time for me to shed all the bullshit and stop giving a FUCK about what people said. But some people don't find that strength. I think people forget that we are indeed human. No matter what gender you identify with, we are human. Caitlyn Jenner is a human being. It is a respect factor. How can you disrespect someone you don't even know because of what they want to do with their life!? And half of you that throw shade at Caitlyn can't hold a damn candle to her. You taking Instagram selfies but your tracks showing, you at the clubs wearing them hair store flip flops, you guys are calling her a science project but you can't get a date with a woman with class or can't keep her because you're childish, broke or your dick game is WHACK...The bottom line is show respect and stop judging. You have no idea what effects you may have on the person with the nasty things you say. Words cut.... Let people live their lives. And stop making it so hard for more people to be brave in this world! Keep in mind that life is like a fucking boomerang, you get back what you put out...and that's keeping it 100!

PS: And for those who might want to educate themselves on Caitlyn, try checking out her show I Am Cait, it comes on Sunday nights on E!. I won't lie, it is a bit boring, but it strips down to the person she is without the media hoopla.

I Am Changing

It is 1:40AM and I am sitting here enjoying the last bit of my no school work before Fall Semester begins Monday. My husband and I have recently taking a liking to the Starz show 'Power'. What's amazing is not just the main story line, but the sub-stories and meanings as well. (Spoilers for those who haven't seen it) In the show, Omari Hardick plays a character named Ghost. Now without giving away the premise, he has people around him who have been down with him since childhood and teenage years. Or what some may refer to as, Day 1 Friends! lol Now, the problem comes in at the fact they all expect him to be the same person he was not only when they met him but over the years. No matter how much his life changes and he desperately wants change, everyone around him wants him to remain that same person from the "back in the day". (Didn't give too much away, trust me there is SO much more to the story for those who haven't seen it, go watch, it's a must see!) Now, I bring this up to say now a days people keep saying, No new friends. I'm down with my day 1! I disagree. Because ultimately you out grow some people. Have you ever had that one friend or friends that you've known for years upon years and they still expect the same things from you that you've did when you were teenagers and early 20s. Now it may be cute for some to parade around saying, Oh I'm the same me, nothing has changed. Well I'm sorry, but that is sad. I look at myself 10 years ago, and even 5 years ago and I am not the same person. I view the things around me differently and even want different things. I have experienced different things, different cultures, furthered my education and I just like preferences have grown. A lot of my superficial and immature views about life have well...evolved. And that is not a bad thing. It is healthy to expand yourself out of your own bubble. Now when I say you "out grow" people, I'm not saying that to say, I'm better than someone or more advanced. I say that to say we are on two different levels. I am a married, college educated, late 20s man. The way I carry myself, my views on education, the importance of stability, it all is a representation of me and who I am. Don't get me wrong, I'm still Chris, I'm still goofy, ditsy, and fun, but my priorities have shifted. Sometimes I long for the conversation of someone with the same struggles as me. College education, wanting to buy a house, building a family, securing a future, preparing for a career, possibly moving out of state...So when you say, no new friends, I'm like to hell with that, please let me find a new friend, someone who can relate to my current situation, someone who can appreciate me as I am today.I'm not saying completely diss and dismiss your old friends or that I don't love my friends, because I do, each and every one of them, but not a one of them I can talk to about the stress of finals and making sure I'm taking the right classes for my degree. Only a serious couple of them I can talk to about wanting to buy a house and making sure it is the right fit for my family, only one or two I can talk to about marriage. So when my husband asks me am I excited for Fall Semester and taking classes on campus, YES, I want to meet more college educated individuals to share my passions and struggles with. When I say I am changing, it is because I am. And I don't believe it is in a negative way, I'm just growing up. For the first time in my life, I really have a grown state of mind. And I just want that for those around me. And you should too. If you surround yourself with negative people or people that aren't happy in their own situations, what do YOU think the outcome of that is? You should want people around you who will feed into your future and bring something positive and productive. You should want people around you who sees you for who you are and see the positive glow you have about you. Just wanting someone to relate to.  But not every change is your fault for not being relatable. For instance, my best friend is experiencing the joys and (sometimes not so joyous days) of motherhood. Now I can't even begin to comprehend what it is like to round up a toddler and an infant and still try to maintain a social life. I say I get it and understand but to her I'll never truly understand until I become a parent. And there's nothing wrong with that, but I'm sure she too or used to want someone to talk to who is a parent/mother that can relate.  Anyways back on topic, doesn't it get tiresome when you have so much going on for yourself and then someone comes around and judges you off of the shit you USED to do. But it's not their fault, will it is actually, they just haven't grown enough in their own lives to be able to comprehend the level you're on right now, and that's keeping it 100!

Do Better, Be Better

It's 3:35AM and I just finished straighten up my living room. It is the last week of Summer Semester and it has been a long one, and unfortunately it is not over yet. I've been listening to Luke Bryan tonight because his music puts me in a state of calmness. I start reflecting and my nerves, soul and me period is at peace in this bliss of country music. With the pressures still on to complete these last few assignments I have a moment. It is a dark moment where I feel like giving up. With so many things going on at once, I just didn't see the point. My husband reassures me all the time of my potential, but sometimes I do not believe it. Sometimes when you feel in over your head, it is hard to see the sun. These negative thoughts surround me and I think back to my first attempt at school and how I didn't even bother to do the work and ultimately failed the class. I didn't take school seriously, to be honest, I didn't care. Then when I wanted it, I couldn't have it. I needed my mother's information to get financial aid because I was underage. Needless to say, she refused. To this day I still don't know why. So I waited. No I take that back. God put me in a position to wait, not until I was overage but until I was ready. And when I was ready, I hit the ground running. I jumped hurdles and overcame obstacles. Now today, I'm gearing up for my final 2 semesters. Now some people probably think, oh school isn't for me. Or I'm a do this and that. Or it's easy for you because you're a nerd. First off, let's back this thing up. I am not a nerd. I am very intelligent, goal-oriented and highly favored. I do what I need to do to get what I want. Nothing about this is easy. To my few friends they may think, wow he makes it look easy, he never talks about it. No I do not, why complain? I am on a mission. I do not want to work at call center jobs for the rest of my life. To each their own, but my destiny goes bigger than customer service. I'm tired of people talking about, Oh I'm a boss, I'm a boss, I'm a bad bitch. girl BYE! How the fuck can you be boss or bad AND be uneducated...get the fuck out of here! People say college isn't for them...And for some that may be true. Not everyone has the drive and determination to complete these courses. But most use that line as an excuse! And I'm sorry but approaching 30 without an education is just not cute. By the time I'm 30 I will be in a Bachelor's program. Making my dreams happen. People want to tell someone what they can and can't do in life but they're sitting on their asses, eating pom poms, trying to make good Quality Adherence scores for their jobs. Girl bye! Now don't get me wrong, I'm not knocking these jobs. But for me, there is a comma behind ADT, not a period. Want better for yourself. People want to hate on the next person simply because they are not where they want to be in life. But it is no one's fault but your own! Stop making excuses and just do it! If you messed up before, that is not the end. I did it! When it's your time, then it will be yours to get it! What God has for you, no one can take it away, except you. You're the only one who can mess up your own blessings. Ever notice when people go through something or deal with some type of drama first thing they say is, "Fuck them, I'm a do me, I'm a get back in school and just do me and get my degree" People keep saying what they're "gonna do" but never find the time to do it! What are you waiting for? You have time for the clubs...you have time to parlay with people who aren't contributing to your life...hell you have time for dick...make time to get yourself together! Stop making excuses and get yourself together. And please don't use your children as an excuse, be an example for them.  And please do not misinterpret me and assume I feel I am better than anyone. NO! I want better for myself! And I have worked hard for it! So when I have moments when I feel like giving up, I think about how far I've come and I push forward. Because when my husband and I walk across that stage next May and receive our Associate's Degree. That'll make it all worth it. Get yourselves together, like for real! Be real with yourself and what you want out of life and where you are in life. And ain't nobody got time to be lying on their credentials, don't be that person, that's just foolish and unnecessary, but you know me, I gotta keep it 100!

Girl Talk: What's Your Fantasy?

I take a deep breath. Mind racing. The air is crisp and cool, but my body temperature is heighten by the 3 glasses of wine I've drank. I can smell the sweet scents of my lotion on my body as I bite my lip and the anticipation builds between my legs. It's a bold move but a necessary one. I can hear the music playing softly from the living room. But not too loud so I can hear my King coming through the door. My mind flips through moments of intimacy over the last few months. I shift with aggravation. We've been so busy and tired lately, there seems to be a disconnect, time to reconnect this shit. I can feel my smooth comforter beneath me. I remember how the bed looked before I got into it. It was made to perfection, like something out of a magazine. By the time I'm able to see again, it'll be completely fucked up. And that's when I hear the sound I've been waiting for. I can hear the keys rattling at the front door in the distance. My heart beat continues to race and I exhale. I can hear his foot steps from a far and I look towards the direction the sound is coming from,but I see nothing but darkness. "Baby?" he calls for me. "In here" I reply. It's like my hormones grow more intense the closer he gets to the room. "Damn, what's going on?" And before I can speak, he sees me and know immediately what's going down. I'm blind-folded naked on the bed, and I'm ready to have my way with my man. I hope he's ready too... It's 1:00AM and I am here in my living room while my King is safe and soundly asleep awaiting for me to take my place next to him in our King size bed. It's dark in here and I feel like my thoughts are running wild. I had a friend who commented on Beyoncé's song Partition for it's content. Talking about Bey gon have everyone getting arrested for having sex in cars. And how it was too "out there" No girl, you're just boring as hell and I feel sorry for your future husband. The song to me represents a fantasy I hear a lot of concerns that when you get married or have been in a relationship for a very long time, the sex dwindles down and sometimes completely fizzes out. Well ladies and gents, if your sex drive is as high as mine, you find creative ways to...get back in the saddle.  Here's a few fantasies that come to mind and some are even ones of my own...The scenario I started I like to call the Naked Attraction. This is pretty simply put the element of surprise. You know your man is coming home. Have that thing FRESH, I repeat, FRESH, don't throw no stink ass or cooch on him! When you get out the shower, have that body nice and soft and smooth. Make sure you use the Bath and Body Works, something he'll smell as soon as he walks in the bedroom. And just be ready to go when he gets home. My scenario was naked in the bed, but you can be spread eagle on the couch, face down ass up, or propped up in the door way. The blind-fold is just an added touch to make things more intense. And if you REALLY wanna take it down, let him tie you up or vice versa... Let's say you're on date night, same typical date night. Dinner and a movie. It doesn't bother you because you love spending time with the boo. BUT, you think ahead and prepare for this date night. You slip on the extra sexy underneath and before you go home, let him have dessert...in a parking lot...behind a building...hell if you really wanna turn up the heat...take it throw back and do it in the movie theater. Sit in the WAY back, pick a not so popular movie, do not pick a crowded theater...you will get kicked out, sit in the back and do what ever comes to mind. Sit on the dick and take a ride. Toot it and boot it, let him eat that thing. The thought of getting caught will make for a very intense orgasm. Sometimes your home can make for a very boring scene, not for me, but for some, get a hotel...one with a balcony...Let's call this the Balcony Pop-Off. You can't tell me it's not hot to be totally naked on your balcony, he has you bent over the rail. And he just plunges that thick throbbing dick inside you and you can barely catch your breath. He fucks you so hard, you cum all over yourself. And oops, you were so caught in the moment, you didn't even notice the hotel manager down below smoking a cigarette watching the entire thing...awkward lol....Or...you can do it like my favorite drink...sex on the beach. Don't worry about the sand in your hair or between your thighs... you can have fun rinsing it off later...But you don't have to leave your house to have a fantasy. He can bend me over the table, the kitchen counter, straddle him on the couch...take it in the shower...oh boy. The point is to spice it up. You love this man, if things get stale, freshen that shit up. I don't understand why people cheat because they are not fulfilled at home. Fuck that, I don't want any other man. No other man can fulfill me the way my husband does. I want all of the above with HIM! lol If you're having problems in the bedroom talk about it, take action, do not let things go south...unless it's a tongue...lol Speaking of which...Hell you can even pull a 4-Play in the foyer, catch him as he's coming in. Don't give him any time to think. Pull that dick out and go to work. Suck that dick like your life depends on it. But not to completion, just enough so he's rock hard and ready to roll. And on to the bedroom you go. Like for real! Us as bottoms and women can not be afraid to initiate sex when we want it. Stroke his ego, call him daddy, get that shit POPPING! The ladies in married to medicine talked about Dr. Heavenly because she call her husband daddy, OK! SO WHAT!? I call my husband daddy too! What you hatin for? That's your man, what you scared for??? Now you can't be too aggressive ALL the time, just enough to get him going, then let him take control. But if your man get to acting funny and say he too tired and all this foolishness, fuck it! TAKE THE SHIT! And THAT'S keeping it 100!!

The Timeline

It's 11:56 PM, and I am sitting here with my husband watching The Twilight Saga. And the fact that this love was so intense it makes me wonder, how soon is too soon? For anything? Let's break this down in sections. So let's say you've been dating someone for about 3 months. Things seem to be going great. You're in the blissful, new relationship stage. You enjoy spending time with this person and the kisses are GREAT! You're feeling him, he's feeling you, the chemistry is crazy. Is 3 months too soon to have sex? Now granted some people don't wait 3 months. I say 3 months for 2 reasons. One because my husband and I waited 3 months. It gave us time to get to know each other without the emotional pull of sex. Plus it gave us time to really...crave each other to that point. I also say 3 months because my girl Joan Clayton from Girlfriends had her 3 month rule. lol. So is 3 months too soon? Or is it too long to wait? I think 3 months is a good time period myself. You can date, hang out and just enjoy each other's time without the pressures of sex. But that has to be established in the beginning. Ladies and gents, you can't keep things going and then when he ready to hit the guts, you like "No, you gotta wait". Let it be an open discussion, one that makes the expectations clear. If he is REALLY into you, then he will wait. And he will not pressure you. So things are moving on, the sex is great. If it wasn't then you probably wouldn't be moving forward. You're dating more. Maybe even spending the nights once every blue moon. You're at the 6 month mark. You're feeling these feelings (not just when he's inside you) and he makes you happy. The feelings is so overwhelming, it's only one thing you can say... Is 6 months too soon to say "I love you". Now do you really know someone enough for 6 months to be able to say, you love them? Don't get me wrong, every relationship is different. Some people wait longer than that, some a lot sooner than that. Some people just know. It was something about my husband's spirit, I knew God brought him to me. I could see our future in his eyes. You had me at hello. Now we're moving right along and he has said it back. Now it's I love you bae this and love you bae that. Everything is still going good. You realize this is someone you can really build a future with. You've had arguments, but you're still hanging in there. Still happy and in love. You wanna take things to the next step. I mean when you think about it, you're practically over at his house all the time anyway or he's always at yours. You're celebrating that year mark. Maybe we should talk about moving in together. Now for some, a year long relationship isn't enough time to move in with someone. But there are some that do it before a year. Is it too soon? I mean you have to think about this. Yeah you've been getting along. Yeah, you know his favorite food. But when you co-habitat with someone, hunny you see ALL KINDS OF SHIT. You get the real deal. You learn more about him/her, AND yourself. This is when you learn, one of you is a neat freak and one definitely is not. When of you likes the toilet paper one way and the other the opposite. One of you puts the cap back on the toothpaste, and the other does not. And ladies for the life of you, you can't understand why he can't put the damn seat down! It's an important step in any relationship. Please don't take it lightly. There WILL be issues! Trust me, I know! My suggestion is talk about things up front. Put everything on the table, so there is no surprises. Talk about who will pay what, if someone looses their job what is expected, who's good at what around the house, etc. When you set expectations for things, it helps the transition smooth over. If you require "Me" time, then say so. When you live in a space with someone you have to consider them in how you live. Because it is their space too. So over the next 12 months, cohabitation has been a blessing AND a curse. You've thought about having your own space, needing "ME" time, just blending lives. Probably have had some money issues, maybe even some trust issues here and there. You've talked about your futures and you both seem to want the same things; marriage, kids, house, careers, etc. Now you're celebrating your 2 year anniversary. What started out as a simple date, has turned into a deep committed relationship that you have come to depend on. You are so in love, you can't imagine your life without this person. So he arranges something special and you're like, ok I know where we're headed. So you get in your mind how and where the night will end. So you dress to the 9s, and he takes you out to the Cheesecake Factory. The night is already starting off right, this is your FAVORITE restaurant! You're not surprised he remembers because he talk about it all the time and he never wants to go. You sit down and place your order. He pulls out a cute black box. Your heart drops...He tells you how much he loves you and you're so incredible. You open the box, expecting to see a diamond, instead you see 2! 2 Princess Cut, diamond earrings. You smile because you're appreciative but disappointed that it wasn't the ring. The rest of the night goes smoothly, as you try to hide your disappointment. When can anyone know when they are ready to get married. Is 2 years too soon to marry someone? Some get married WAY quicker and WAY longer. We waited 6 years to get married. (Partly because of the whole same-sex marriage thing) I know couple who have waited 10 years. We enter into relationship hoping that marriage is where you'll end up. You love him, you've been through some rough shit, your relationship could be a testimony to your single friends, but what is he waiting for? You've been together for 2 years, or how many other years it may be. You know you're ready. Is he not ready? Don't tell me, after all this, he has commitment issues!?!? I feel that no matter how many years it is, you can be ready for marriage when you both are on the same page about goals and dreams. When you both inspire and lift each other up. Not you do your thing and then me. Or vice versa. Let's do this shit together! You go after your shit, and I will do the same and let's bring in these RACKS! Marriage is more than flowers, officiant and cake. It's becoming one with this person. Committing to go through the trenches with him, to hell and back. It is love and war, but always putting them first. It's not just about living life on a sunny day, but riding the storm through the rough ones as well...So the anniversary flies by. And it's a few months later. The topic of marriage never comes up again. And you're starting to wonder if ya'll will need to have "the talk". It's on your mind so much he can tell something is wrong. But like always, you say nothing, I'm fine. One day you think about talking to him about it but before you do, you finish getting dressed because you're going out to a concert tonight. Your favorite singer is in town and he surprised you with tickets. You're probably thinking, damn he can do that, but you can't buy a bitch a ring. Damn didn't Beyoncé say put a ring on it!?!? Damn, where my ring at? You're at the concert, having a ball. That special song comes on. You know the one, the one that reminds you of him. You starting singing, and you cry a bit because your feelings are being sung to you. This song reminds you of why you fell in love in the first place. And you make a conscience decision to not rush the marriage issue for a bit. Next thing you know you get a glimpse of him, to see if he sees you crying like a baby. And he's down on one knee. The gesture catches you off guard, and now it's like no one else is in the room but you two. You kneel down to hear what he has to say. "I didn't want to do it on the anniversary, that is so cliché, what better way to ask you to be my wife/husband than to your favorite song being played live, I love you" And of course, you say yes. People think stories like that never happen but they do. There are good men out there in the world ladies and gents. It's just finding YOUR soulmate. Whatever your timeline is, will be your testimony. It's those moments you look back on when you're 6 years in and looking at him lying in the bed, waiting on you to watch a movie and you say to yourself. It was all worth it, damn I'm the luckiest guy/girl in the world. Don't let the world pressure your relationship. Don't feel like you have to follow any guidelines or timelines. Make your own and cherish each moment, so 10 years down the line, you can tell it to your kids and that's keeping it 100!!

STRAIGHT/GAY/CONFUSED

It is 4:42AM, I'm tired but I'm wired. It is a restless night here in the Clark household. So with my unfortunate case of insomnia, I decided to give you something to read. It is crazy how people have expectations that if you're gay, you know when someone else is gay. I hate to break it to you ladies, but that is a MYTH! Sorry my fellow gay ladies and gents, I have to keep it real. The "gaydar" is a myth. It is simply used for mere entertainment. And I will explain why. Every gay person, has been attracted to a straight person. Don't lie and say you haven't. Then there is the ever unfortunate falling for the straight guy. Now this is where disaster strikes. Check this out, because I've been here myself. Sometimes a gay guy or girl, meets someone of the same sex. Work, school, where ever. They click with this person, this person is nice to them and it makes us wonder....could he/she be into me? This was a nightmare for me at one time. Shortly after my breakup with the Confused Cheater, I met a guy. I thought he was SO fine. Tall, brown skin, nice personality. Truth be told, my crush on him made me forget about my broken heart. Well, we became friends and I just knew he was going to be my man. If I tried hard enough and showed him enough that I cared, he would be mine. I was young dumb and batting zero. No matter how many gifts I gave, nice and encouraging words I gave, hanging out I did, he was still straight. Unfortunately, when I realized how good of a friend I had, I lost my friend because of my not so subtle pursuing. He never made me feel any kind of way about being gay, he was just my friend. It's very unfortunate. So no, my gaydar wasn't BROKEN, that shit never worked. Had it worked, I would still have my friend right now. Gay men go after straight men all the time, hoping if I could just turn him gay, life would be perfect. And then you have those gay men that just believe they can turn any man out, but that's a different conversation. Although you can't help who you're attracted to, you can help how you choose to act on those feelings. Confusion is a word thrown around a lot in this lifestyle. I'm a slice this thing up 3 ways for you. First there is the straight man who says he's not gay. Yes, yes, I'm referring to the DL man. Men on the down low have women at home by day, and fuck men at night, or vice versa, depending on his wife/girlfriend's schedule. Now if you ask him, yes he's cheating, but he's not gay. Because he's having sex with a woman, or a tranny. But because transgender identifies as a woman, what can you say. You can't do anything but let them have that. Gay cheater or plain cheater, he's still a damn cheater! BUT, there are those who get head from men, or just a quick fuck. And no they're not gay because they're not attracted to men. I'm sorry hunny, you're confused, you say you're straight but you like to have sex with men???? We call them trade. You got a girl, but you want me to do what??? Yeah ok, an old tired piece of trade, at that!  Then there's the flip-flopper. This guy is gay or I guess Bi. One week he's straight, then the girl he's dating pisses him off, he dumps her, says he's through with woman and he's completely gay now. Then guy pisses him off, and same cycle. If you don't make up your damn mind!!! The Bi thing ain't working, PICK ONE! I used to think Bi-Sexuality was selfish. But no,there is nothing wrong with being Bi-Sexual, you like what you like. The problem is the flip-floppers! You're gay, then you're straight, gay, straight, gay, straight, shit you don't confuse your damn self!?!? Finally there is the marry-go-round man. These men are straight but like to test to see how far they will let themselves go with a guy. I had a friend that was straight, he would flirt with me, tell me I'm beautiful, he always wanted me to rub his 6-pack, always grabbing my booty. Get mad when the confused cheater and I were on good terms, and tell me he's a better man. But then when things went wrong, he's straight. Tell me he wouldn't mind dating me, but he's straight. Want to have sex but he's straight. I'm so dizzy from this damn ride, I'm ready to get the fuck off!! BOY BYE! Confusion is a bitch, I say, take your confused ass on and do some soul searching. Find out what you really want before bringing somebody into your drama. When it comes to straight men, the only "gaydar" I think applies is when they give themselves away. They saying goes, if a man protests loudly and is just doing the most about defending his sexuality, he's either, gay or thought about it. I actually believe this to be true. Because most straight guys are comfortable enough with their sexuality, they don't feel the need to explain themselves. They don't act all weird and extra macho around gay men, unless they're doing crazy queen stuff. Now, here's the question of the hour. Can a straight man, be straight if he likes to get his ass ate or played with? I know what ya'll are thinking, but my answer is YES! A man's sexual desires with a WOMAN, no matter what they are, don't make him gay. Some men are just freaky like that. Just because you fuck her in the butt, you're not gay. Just because she eats that ass, you're not gay. Just because she slips a finger in that ass, you're not gay. And hell my husband may suck on these titties but that don't make him straight or want women!!! Its just what some men like sexually. Ladies don't make him feel less of a man because he wants to expand in the bedroom. And guys don't feel embarrassed because you do want to expand, or she does. Life is too short to not try new things. If you're with your mate, sometimes you gotta switch it up. No matter what your sexual preference. Tops, let these bottoms trade places, see how it feels when you come knocking walls down. Ladies let these men be sexually free with you. Why not? Bottom line is, do you, experience stuff and be safe while doing it. Be consistent, be you, be free of judgement, be freaky, stop the denial, choose your happiness, because you're worth it. There is nothing worse than wanting something but being to afraid to ask for it and being secretly miserable. That's not what's up and that is not a life worth living, and that's keeping it 100!

Labels And Stereotypes

It's 2:22 AM, I'm pretty tired from a long day but this Blog can't wait. My loving husband is exhausted and sleeping peacefully while I'm here in the dark, with a bud light Lime and my thoughts. I'm thinking about some of the labels that are put on us and how we let those labels turn us into stereotypes. This goes for men and women. One label you don't want is this sideline piece. Or as Monica says...Sideline Ho. lol. But there is a difference. In my opinion, a side piece is someone who did not know there was a "main piece".  When it comes to being a "side piece" I unfortunately have dealt with this. I was casually dating a guy, nothing serious no strings. And I didn't know it, but he had a boyfriend. I had no idea because he was always available to me. I didn't find out until he was unattached. If you're  a side  piece you can't be faulted. Don't sit here trying to argue and fight some dude/chick over their man. Step away REAL quick! Be mad at him not the other person. BUT if you knew, then yes you're a sideline ho. These are the ones believing him when he says he's gonna leave his girlfriend/boyfriend/baby mama/wife/husband, etc. But everyone knows damn well he ain't going no where. He's selfish and wants you both. Don't be the trifling one to come between a relationship, no matter how bad he makes it out to be. He's not leaving. Trust me. And if in that rare occasion he does leave...well let's just say there is also a difference between, "main piece" and "one and only". Like K. Michelle said, give it up, you'll never get a ring... The next one that trips me out is the baby mama/baby daddy drama. In my opinion I don't think it's a good look for ladies to be labeled baby mama. And some women are okay with that. But by you being okay with it, leaves you open to the typical stereotypes. Now this isn't for ALL women, just a certain few and I bet you know at least one. When you think of the typical baby mama, she always fighting with baby daddy 1, 2 or 3. Selling her food stamps knowing good and damn well them kids gotta eat, or better yet, spending it all up on a damn crab tray. There is nothing wrong with public assistance, but in my opinion (note, my OPINION) It should be temporary. These lazy women depending on the system to take care of their kids are sucking up all the resources, when their are women who work hard every day to make sure their kids have. The baby mama, stays in that mind frame and falls for these same dudes over and over and end up being nothing more than that....a baby mama. You can be a single mother, but be smart. If he is no good, PUT HIS ASS ON CHILD SUPPORT! If he wasn't there during your pregnancy, DO NOT GIVE YOUR BABY HIS LAST NAME AND ESPECIALLY NOT A JR! I used to know a girl who thought she fell in love 3 times, 3 different men, never married. And each played her the same way. And still just a baby mama. No ma'am ladies, ain't nothing secure until you've said I Do. The proposal ain't even secure, a ring is just that, A RING. Them papers is the real deal. When you say I do, THEN there is no need for child support, THEN it's okay to be knocked up whenever. It's time to be smarter ladies. There are MOTHERS out there everyday, grinding, going to school, making a good life for their kids, without help and some without support of fathers. Fantasia made "Baby Mama" sound good, it's not. Same for baby daddies, stop raw dogging these chicks! Knowing good and damn well you smashed but when she turns up pregnant you wanna act the fool! Be men. Take care of your responsibilities. You don't have to be with the girl to be a father but damn be a man bring SOMETHING to the table! The stereotypes of gay men I feel is an interesting topic. Gay men have so many labels, some funny, some disgusting, some that make you go 0_O. People look at gay men as colorful queens who twirl all day and who think they can turn any straight man gay. Now granted there are some out there that fall into that category but not all. Every gay man isn't loud. Every gay men isn't dramatic and diva. Every gay men doesn't take it up the ass. Every gay men doesn't know gay phrases and punchlines. I have a friend who talks to me about everything gay and is amazed when I'm like...um...what???? Gay is a label, we are men. We live our lives every day with our own set of struggles. We pay rent every month, have relationship problems, want families, like anyone else. Not every gay man puts on a dress or a wig, not every gay men desires to sleep with every man. Straight men (some, not all) think these things. They think we sit around all day thinking about dick and how loud and outlandish we can be. There are men at my job who act funny towards me because either they think I want them or they think I'm about to prance around the building. First off, I'm married, I have no desire to sleep with you, my husband is all the man I need and second, despite what you think, I can separate professional and personal behaviors. Some people think all gay men have HIV or Aids. No, that's just fucking ignorant. We can protect ourselves as well. Some people think just because I'm married to a man it shouldn't be respected like any other union, no sir buddy! It is a marriage like any other. I respect your union, respect mine. The list could go on and on, but I think I'll save that for another post ;). Then there is the person who judges all these labels and stereotypes and in a way they are enforcing them. I knew someone who looked down on "side pieces/hoes", tisk tisk my dear, don't forget your past. Just because you're no longer in that situation don't judge. Being condescending gets you no where. You are no better than anyone. The one thing I am not doing is judging. I respect every one's decision to do what ever they want for their life. I simply want to encourage people that if you're tired of being labeled as something, change it. Only you can. If you don't want to be some body's "baby mama", then don't. If you don't wanna be some body's sideline hoe, then stop! It all comes back to loving yourself and knowing your worth. People try to label me: gay, black, fat, ugly, bitch, Boigie, stuck up, nerd, teacher's pet, etc. But these people don't know my story or where I come from or what I've been through. I am not those things, I am Chris. That's it. I have titles. I am a husband, a brother, a son, a uncle, a friend and soon to be college graduate and one day father. That's what I answer to, don't answer to your label, answer to you. When you know yourself, who you are and what you are, all the labels fall to the waste side, and that's keeping it 100!